Dating relation teen

How do you settle into peace after a lifetime of trauma?

2020.11.28 17:19 sanohe How do you settle into peace after a lifetime of trauma?

TLDR; How do you adjust to a life of peace after living a life of intense trauma all the way into your 30s. What philosophy guides a life of peace? Versus the 'just survive somehow' philosophy that guides the life of trauma/survival?
I posted in here a few days back about being in a secure relationship for the first time in my life, and how terrifying that was for me. As I thought more about it, it's bigger than that.
I grew up in a very traumatic, strictly religious and emotionally abusive household. When I read Educated by Tara Westover, I was horrified by how many times I could completely relate to and understand the type of abuse she described. While I didn't suffer as much physical abuse and neglect, I could relate to parents who consistently put religious dogma over the well being of their children, and who ignored/didn't address the physical, verbal, sexual and emotional abuse their male children inflicted on their female children.
Due to my parent's religious beliefs I was severely restricted from socializing in my teen years. I was already considered weird because of my parent's strict beliefs, but not being able to have friends -- literally because my parents forbade it -- made me an intense social outcast and a target. I was bullied consistently throughout high school. By senior year I was eating lunch in the guidance counselor's office because I had nowhere else to go. I would eat lunch by myself, and then wander through empty classrooms talking to myself.
To cope with the neglect I faced at home and the extreme isolation I faced outside of my home I developed many unhealthy habits in my teen years: Heavy emotional eating, followed by starving myself to maintain my weight, picking at scabs over and over again so they didn't heal properly and formed permanent scars, squeezing pimples so hard that I damaged the skin and had permanent scars, playing with fire, watching porn.
I was so relieved when I left home for college. My college was very far from home, and even though I attended a conservative Christian college it was actually WAY less restrictive than the home I'd grown up in. It felt like freedom! I made friends, I went on dates, I made out with a guy for the first time, I went shopping for the clothes I wanted (my parents restricted what I could wear), and I worked jobs to have my own money. I was well-liked in school -- was even student body vice president my senior year -- and some of the negative habits I had developed in teenhood started to ease.
After college life got even better. I moved to a major city, started working in a field (journalism) I loved, had my own apartment, and attended a church that was less conservative than the one I'd been raised in. Things seemed to be looking up.
Then, four years after college, I got married. I had been living with my boyfriend -- a fact that I tried to hide from my parents. It was really for financial convenience. TBH we didn't even like each other that much, but were both in low income positions and figured we could save some money. But once my parents found out my dad was horrified and ordered me to marry him. He pressured me and manipulated me from a distance. Saying that I was living in sin, saying that, "marriage is just like dating, but with a piece of paper" and I should do it. It was the worst decision of my adult life.
The marriage was a disaster. As a boyfriend, my ex-husband had been lazy and unmotivated. As a husband he descended into all out financial exploitation and neglect. Because I had been raised so conservative I knew barely anything about birth control and I got pregnant back to back 3 times. My husband wasn't working so I had to work to take care of him and our babies. He spent his days playing video games in the living room while I strained to breastfeed, raise toddlers and push my small business to the brink because it had to pay for all of us. He couldn't/wouldn't hold down jobs, he told me I wasn't as smart as I thought I was, he stayed silent when his family verbally assaulted me.
On top of my horrible marriage, all the childhood stuff I hadn't dealt with crept into my friendships. Because my childhood home had been so combative I always assumed the worst in personal interactions. I accused friends of insults and slights where there were none. I had a horrible temper. I isolated some truly good women who just wanted to walk beside me in life. On the flip side I stayed in toxic friendships with people who did not wish me well. Who were jealous of me or secretly delighted in my downfall. I guess deep down it's what I felt I deserved.
The only thing that was going well was my small business. I think in part because I needed to keep it profitable because my husband wasn't a provider, and because it was an escape from my marriage, my horrible friendships, my horrible family and the pressures of parenthood. It was my one thing that was "mine."
3.5 years ago I pulled the plug on the madness. 6 months after I'd given birth to my last child I asked my husband to move out and for a divorce. To be completely honest with you, it was mostly out of fear that I would get pregnant again and get mired even deeper in a toxic marriage. I went through with the divorce, but quickly found that it was just a first step. There was a lot of work to be done. I started intensive weekly therapy, I read books and watched YouTube videos about emotional stability and overcoming trauma, I finally let go of toxic friendships and was even able to reconcile with a few women from my past who I'd isolated unfairly, I took up an outdoor hobby that connected me with a network of wonderful people, I started doing yoga every day, then I started to meditate every day, I confronted my parents about what they'd done in my past and told them I no longer considered myself religious. The more I took steps to heal, the quieter life became. Whereas my life used to be a constant whirlwind of arguments, trauma and anxiety, I started noticing that I would have stretches of days, then weeks, then even months where things were smooth sailing. Obviously life still had its challenges, but I started to feel confident and calm that I could meet the challenges
And then about three years after my divorce I met my current partner, who has a very secure attachment style. I never thought the relationship we currently have would be possible for a woman like me. There has been no trauma. I have space to be myself, to love and be loved. I respect and admire him, and he respects and admires me. When issues arise we talk through them to find solution and consensus. It is the exact opposite of my marriage.
One thing I am realizing -- and this might sound crazy -- is that I don't understand the purpose of a calm life. For 35 years -- with the exception of college and the years after that before my marriage -- my entire life has been about struggling against the people in my life. About fighting and clawing for my survival. About being isolated and enduring pain directly inflicted upon me by others. And now that those things are gone, I don't know completely how to exist.
I am still in therapy and my therapist has noticed that my anxiety levels are still through the roof. On many days I still live as though there is a threat around every corner. That the other shoe is going to drop at any moment.
I am working on re-wiring my brain, but I wanted to hear from you ladies. If your early lives involved a lot of trauma, how did you adjust when the trauma subsided? How do you perceive your life now? What is your guiding philosophy?
submitted by sanohe to AskWomenOver30 [link] [comments]

2020.11.28 04:25 Minephucked Ever feel like you digressing/immaturing as a person?

I've always been an introvert. Into gaming, reading, drawing, nerdy stuffy like that.
Once I got into my late teen's-20's I tried a few times (very unsuccessfully) to meet/date/start a relationship with a girl. It just got really difficult and I kinda stopped attempting to because I always felt like a chump, when i'd like a girl and try to be patient and respectful (most were usually having just ended or going through something with a guy), but the next thing I know they met someone else, so I just felt like all I was doing was investing in something to get hurt and waste my time.
I'm in my 30's and i literally feel like i'm just being a fucking child again, getting into animes, still playing video games even though its only for like 10 mins. because I lose interest or focus.
So essentially while i'd like to embrace having a relationship, I'm not really trying that hard and i'm just doing all the same stuff i did when I was in my late teens and i'm going to be 40 in a few years! I read a lot of these posts that I can relate to and man, I feel like depression (not being depressed) has this way of just changing some deep rooted part of all of us and often not for the better. It sucks :\
submitted by Minephucked to depression [link] [comments]

2020.11.27 20:46 Brothanogood Roblox IPO: 5 things to know about the tween-centric gaming platform

Roblox Corp. is planning an initial public offering amid strong momentum as millions of tweens and teenagers are glued to their mobile devices during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The San Mateo, Calif.-based gaming platform features a variety of “3-D digital worlds” that are built by users and developers, providing virtual communities where users can play with friends. Roblox RBLX acknowledged in its official paperwork with the Securities and Exchange Commission that it is experiencing a huge boost from users isolated during shelter-in-place policies related to coronavirus, but seeks to appeal to a wider, and older, audience to continue growing when things go back to “normal.”
Roblox originally filed for an IPO on Nov. 19, after disclosing a month before that it was beginning the process. Roblox said in the original filing that it sought to raise up to $1 billion; this figure is typically a placeholder that will be updated in later filings, but suggests a larger fundraising goal than the typical large IPO, which uses a $100 million target.
Roblox expects to trade under the ticker “RBLX” on the New York Stock Exchange. There are six banks underwriting the deal, led by Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, and J.P. Morgan. 2020 has been a good year for IPOs with the Renaissance IPO ETF IPO up 94% for the year to date, compared with a 12% gain in the S&P 500 index SPX , and a 35% rise in the tech-heavy Nasdaq Composite Index COMP .
Here are five things to know about Roblox as it becomes a public company.
  1. If you don’t have tweens, you’ve probably never heard of it
If you haven’t heard of Roblox, you probably haven’t been around a pre-teen much in recent years. The company said that more than half of its 31.1 million daily users are younger than 13 years old. Back in 2018, the service claimed about 12 million daily users.
Since most online accounts require users to be at least 13, the company has faced criticism for inappropriate content on its service. In the prospectus, Roblox said it uses a human review team to screen content and has reviewed more than 68 million “assets” in the first nine months, and has “had a human respond” to more than 9 million customer inquiries within 10 minutes on average. The company hopes to appeal to older users and to retain current users as they grow up.
“We ultimately aim to be a brand that serves all ages,” the company said in its SEC filing. “An early sign of what is possible: our 17 to 24-year-old user age group grew faster than our core under 13 age group in the nine months ended September 30, 2020.”
  1. COVID-19 generated a huge boost of traffic
When the pandemic hit, Roblox growth exploded as tweens and others who were sheltering in place flocked to the online community. The number of daily users surged 82% over the past 12 months and the average user was on the service for more than two-and-a-half hours a day.
“We have experienced rapid growth … given our users have been online more as a result of global COVID-19 shelter-in-place policies,” the company said.
In the first nine months of 2020, Roblox said DAUs, or daily average users, grew to 31.1 million from 17.1 million in the same period during 2019. Year-over-year, Roblox reported 17.6 million DAUs in 2019, compared with 12 million in 2018.
Similarly, total hours spent on Roblox more than doubled to 22.2 billion in the first nine months of 2020, compared with 10 billion in the same period in 2019. Year-over-year, users spent 13.7 billion hours on Roblox in 2019, versus 9.4 billion in 2018.
  1. Its revenue is derived from the model that has Epic Games fighting Apple
Roblox makes money by using a virtual currency called “Robux” that users buy to upgrade avatar and make purchases, but that developers also use within the platform. That means Roblox pays a lot of money to third-party distributors like Apple Inc. and Alphabet Inc. at a time when those practices are being disputed by others.
Back in August, the popular videogame “Fortnite,” made by Epic Games, was banned from Apple’s AAPL App Store and Alphabet’s GOOG GOOGL Google Play stores because Epic tried to work around the 30% cuts the companies were getting from in-game purchases, and loudly disputed the practice.
Roblox said it also pays 30% of its one-time purchases to both Apple and Google when they are made on the respective stores. The company said for the first nine months of 2020, 34% of its revenue came from Apple store purchases and 18% from Google store purchases. That’s compared with 30% of revenue from Apple store purchases and 18% from Google store purchases in 2019.
The company said its bookings surged 171% to $1.24 billion in the first nine months of 2020, compared with $458 million in the same period in 2019. From 2018 to 2019, bookings grew 39%. If defines bookings as “sales of our virtual currency which we record as deferred revenue and then recognize that revenue over the estimated average lifetime of a paying user.”
Booking per DAU rose to $39.93 in the first nine months of 2020 from $26.75 in the year-earlier period.
In a nod to COVID-19’s part in the surge, the company said: “We do not expect these activity levels to be sustained, and in future periods we expect growth rates for our revenue to decline.”
  1. As revenue has soared, losses have widened
While Roblox reported a 68% surge in revenue for the first nine months of 2020, losses for the period more than quadrupled.
Roblox reported revenue of $588.7 million and a loss of $203.2 million in the period, compared with $349.9 million in revenue and a loss of $46.3 million for the first nine months of 2019. Roblox reported revenue of$488.2 million and a narrower loss of $86 million in 2019, compared with revenue of $312.8 million and a loss of $97.2 million in 2018.
The biggest culprits in 2020’s widening loss were payments to content developers and administration fees connected with the run up to the IPO.
“Developer exchange fees track closely with our overall bookings performance as more users on the platform and Robux purchased by our users drives more Robux earned by developers and creators,” the company said in its filing.
Those fees soared 190% to $209.2 million in the first nine months of 2020 compared with the same period a year ago.
In the same period, general and administrative fees soared 125% to $64.9 million. While $27.7 million of that increase was due to higher personnel costs including stock-based compensation expenses, the company also cited “an increase in headcount in our finance, accounting, people, IT and legal functions associated with our anticipated public offering.”
  1. Early investors get a big upper hand
The IPO is for Class A shares, which get one vote per share, as opposed to Class B shares that get 20 votes per share and are convertible to Class A shares.
Those Class B shares belong mostly to early investors, the first of which were Altos Ventures and First Round Capital. Altos has a 23.9% stake in the company with 114.3 million shares and First Round has a 7% stake with 33.6 million shares.
Later investors include Meritech Capital Partners and Index Ventures. Meritech owns an 11.6% stake at 55.3 million shares, while Index has an 11.1% stake at 53.1 million shares.
Tiger Global Management, which entered the picture in 2018, has an 8.2% stake at 39.3 million shares.
Earlier in the year, Andreessen Horowitz led a $150 million investment round in the company but doesn’t even break into the list of “greater than 5%” stockholders.
submitted by Brothanogood to stocks [link] [comments]

2020.11.27 15:03 fakkeddit The movie "Confessions of a Teenage Jesus Jerk"

I watched it because of this post. And in my opinion it was trash. I mean, what the actual fuck was that. Not tasteful at all. Gabe is a dumbass that get's himself disfellowshiped twice, once for bs and the second time was his own dumbfuckery, Barely relatable And the jws are cussing? With eachother? Over a house phone? And the movie only mentions his cousin being molested cassually with little to no interest and she has sex WITH GABE. What the Fuck. All this movie shows is a coming of age movie that has teenagers getting drunk and having sex with a dysfunctional family that has an alcoholic mom, father with anger issues and that drunk/high all the time cool single uncle. All the cliché teen movie stuff with the awkward dates, awkward first time sex, the nerdy kid pushing the girl away (he did this in the movie literally, but usually the girl is weirded out and leaves), the nerdy kids having chad freinds, the girl unhappy with her relationship because she gets stood up that goes on a date/sleeps with the nerdy kid, a couple or a foreshadowed couple walking out of the movies or a game the same way Jasmine and Gabe were outside the convention etc, you get the idea. And instead of a school project or some shit Jasmine and Gabe have service. In this movie those teens just happen to be JWs which ruined the whole thing because those two themes do not mix at all. The movie shows JWs doing worldly teenage things within themselves and as a PIMI I lived in fear of my JW classmates because you're supposed to act a certain way around them. Y'ALL KNOW THIS. The acting was okay though, for some actors. Other than that I rate the movie 4.55 out of 10 because it was ASS.
submitted by fakkeddit to exjw [link] [comments]

2020.11.27 14:40 Throwawaytrash63 I'm a heartbroken teen crying for a relationship that lasted only one month

Yes, you read that right, I am one of those dumb teens, but before I tell you more we should give out first an introduction.
First, my name is Robert, I am a 14 year old romanian highschool student and started my new school year. For some reason people always told me that I am a sociopath since I treated people with no emotions, and since I never felt remorse about that I just believed them. That was in 2nd grade I think? Well fast forward a couple of years and I remember that in 5th grade rumors about me being gay started, I thought nothing of it tho since I was one of those people that said that rumors will go and I should just work through it. Then one day one of my classmates punched me in the gut for no reason, for the first time I felt powerless, I couldn't even stand against him and I remember throwing up on the floor, that's when the physical bullying started. I had to work through that for 4 cruel years, getting beat up everyday, the single times I ever felt good were when I was sick and couldn't go to school, I dealt with depression a lot and even suicidal thoughts for a bit and I think that my parents know that too but I don't want to be pinpoint sure. I thought the same would happen in highschool but it somehow didn't?
First let me tell you, here in Romania we do like an exam that decides which highschool we go to, so instead of going to one of the highschools I could possibly see my classmates I began studying hard enough to get into a different highschool, it wasn't the best but it was one of the top so I couldn't complain about it. After the exam the summer started and for some reason I thought that I would be bullied and even considered dropping out of highschool after 2 years if the bullying started.
Then the school year started. It worked in a strange and unfamiliar way by having one week online and one week at school (based on groups of 15). The first week had to be online so I chatted with some of the guys on google meet and found out that they are actually nice, I remember that there was this girl called Mary. To get it straight Mary was a short and skinny girl, even for a 10 year old let alone a 14 year old one, but I thought she looked really cute, I am not tall either so I found myself in her. When we had to give a speech about ourselves based on emotions and stuff we like to do Mary said that she was an introverted person that doesn't like to meet new people, I still remember that because I somewhat felt related to that. Fast forward a couple days it was my time to go to school and I stayed in campus for a lot of time at the dorms and I met this other guy called Stefan. Stefan was your average high school romanian student: tall, handsome, smart and had a very cool personality. We talked for some time before school began and we became friends for the next 5 days in which we mostly stayed in the same room and went into the city to buy stupid stuff we would never use.
Then we had another week online and I somehow started talking to Mary on Friday, then Saturday and finally Sunday. I had to go back to the dorms and I found out that she was staying at the dorms too so we could interact with each other, and since that day we went into town buying stuff and mostly talking about useless subject for hours on top of hours. For the first time in my life I felt... protected?
After that we needed to go back online so that's what we did, my convos with Mary became a lot more heated dare I say? We started talking about subject like sex and stuff like that. And since I am a horny teenager I made a lot of sex jokes and she was fine with those. Then I remember on Monday I did the worst I could ever come up with, I told her I think I have feelings for her, it was something that I guess she was not ready for yet so she didn't respond to that and changed the subject. Then on a Saturday, right before the day we needed to go back to the dorms, I told her some stupid joke since we talked about exorcisation and I remember I told her, precise "Well can't take the demons out of you but give me 20 minutes and I am gonna make you reach orgasm heaven". Yes it was a dumb joke and yes I regret it, but at the moment I thought it was funny and she somehow said that she is interested. I felt somewhat even more attracted to her and I told her if she would hug me, and she said yes.
Then Sunday came around and after one long hour of just talking, I made the move and got my hug. It felt... warm and... soft... and I really loved it. As time progressed we started doing more... crazy stuff I guess you can call it? I started kissing her neck and cheeks, fondled her, she fondled me back, stuff like that. Then one day I remember I just grabbed her hand and looked her in the eye telling her : "Look Mary, you may not know me for a long time, and probably you don't even think we have a connection but, I love you, you are cute and you make me blush everytime I see you" and some more random cheesy stuff that came from my heart at that moment. For the very first time I felt empathy and love for another human being besides my close relatives. After all that stuff I just stopped caring and went in for a kiss. I thought she would reject me but somehow she accepted it and we started kissing. After that I just remember her slowly whispering to me: "I thought you would never start" and after that we just began dating. I went with her everywhere, holding hands, stealing kisses from her, eating at random places we found on google maps, heck we even went into a park and stayed hugged for maybe one to two hours. I felt like another human, I felt happy and I stopped thinking negative once in a while. It was mostly fun and she even made the first step on persuading me into having intercourse with her but the week ended and we had to go back online.
After that my chats with Mary got a lot more lovely and I remember her saying that she wanted to lose her virginity to me. I thought I was ready at that point but I somehow felt very nervous and I tried to actually convince her to not do that. I wanted to make sure she wouldn't regret her first time since I thought that I am not good enough but she still said that she would do it with me without giving it a second thought. I didn't care about me anymore, I thought that if I do what she wants that is the best I could do so I agreed to it.
Well fast forward and there we are, back at the dorms, condoms open, ready to start but she said that she doesn't feel ready yet. I felt somewhat relieved and respected her wish so we just hugged and kissed and stuff like that. After that the whole country went full online so we couldn't meet anymore. The first week was going well and we still continued to do activities together like playing games and watching movies and stuff like that. I continued to love her until one day she just stopped answering my messages. I began getting jealous, a lot, and even became paranoid that she never felt something for me and I thought I just pressured her. Then one day she just wrote me a long message saying that she isn't yet ready for a relationship and that maybe we should drop the whole thing. I was... heartbroken. After all the leading was done by her she said that she isn't rady. I didn't give it much thought but for the next week I just cried, a lot, began crying more and more trying to think of a way to just get over it. Then i realized, i cannot get over it. I still want to hug her and kiss her and hold hands with her while going through the park and stuff like that. Lately we don't even talk at all and when we do talk it's just me being a clingy guy pleading her to give me another chance, that I can do better and that I love her but... she isn't interested anymore. As much as I try I always get the same results, nothing changes, yet i still try. I felt loved and happy and now that I am aware I cannot feel that happines again is just breaking me over. I even tried to get into sports for making me forget about her but... I cannot.
I think I just need advice to get over it, but this is mostly just me crying my ass on reddit, being a stupid teen that can't get the message. Sorry by wasting your time, I should probably just wait and try to forget about her. Maybe in your point of view this is all just cringe and stupid and I totally agree on that part but I just needed to confess this somewhere. Once again, sorry for wasting your time.
submitted by Throwawaytrash63 to Advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.27 09:45 CD_Sissy_Jackie I'm finally coming out of the closet to myself. I need advice on how to find my gender identity and also ask some trans women about their experiences. (I'm most likely a closet trans women or Bi-gender)

Hi everyone,
First off, I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving. This post is going to be a bit long, so, sorry about that. I need to tell a group of people who I am and finally get this off my shoulders.
So, this is me finally coming out of the closet to myself. I've denied it for so many years (I'm 29 now. Better late than never). As a kid growing up, I always knew something was off (I come from a catholic family and I never heard of trans people until I was a teenager. So, as a kid I could never explain how I was feeling and I honestly thought I was crazy). Looking back it was so obvious. It started when I was young. I had a cousin (not much older than me) and we grew up very close. She was an only child and My brother and I played with her all the time as kids. The first sign was when we'd have family gatherings. I'd hang out with her and a couple of other close female family relatives my age. As I got older, going into my teens, I had a lot of friends who were cheerleaders and I always wanted to be one (I know cliche but it's true). I knew I would've been the laughing stock of the entire school, Made fun of, called names, and I was still trying to prove I was a guy. So, I joined the football team (I was terrible). When it came to dating women I just couldn't. I always said to myself well I'm introverted and I'll date in college. When I would make attempts to date in college it never worked. I just couldn't put into words why. I'd go to friends of mine much more successful at dating than me and they'd tell me to do this or You're just nervous that's normal. After a while, I just gave up and told myself I need to be successful at school. I'm genuinely a career-oriented person. After graduating from college, I buried myself in my work. After 5 years of doing a job, I thought I liked when I started but ended up hating, I switch careers to Computer Programming and I might go back to school for it. I was stupidly lucky and got an entry-level job just based on what I knew and read about programming. With all of the time I've had working from home, all of these memories came back to me and after more failed attempts at dating, I had a realization. I was disinterested in dating women. I have about 20 or so tinder matches right now, about 30 or so on other dating apps and the only ones I'm talking to are the ones who messaged me first. Also, I've been into guys (another Obvious sign that I ignored). So I finally just for the hell of it to prove I was right about 3 days ago I bought some women's clothes put them on and It just felt right to me.
So I need to ask for some advice?
  1. I'm almost sure I'm a Trans woman, but, I've been reading about other gender identities as well and bigender is something I think I might fall under it. When You started your journey. Did you have any doubts that maybe you were not trans, that you fell under another gender identity, and how did you come to that conclusion?
  2. When you started to admit who you were and that you didn't fall under that gender identity that you were assigned at birth. Did you come right out to everyone or did you wait until you were 100% certain of who you were? I know for a fact I'm not coming out right now to anyone (well except for Reddit). It's not that my family wouldn't accept me for who I am. My Father and Brother are very accepting of LGBT people and I'm sure most of my family already knows. I think they think I'm gay, but, coming out as trans might shock them at first.
  3. What are the next steps for me, after I'm sure about my gender identity, do I go see a psychologist? Also, did you make any mistakes along the way that I can hopefully avoid?
submitted by CD_Sissy_Jackie to trans [link] [comments]

2020.11.27 03:38 ChocolatBleuPale My dad probably has ADHD and I feel really bad

TL;DR : I just realized that my dad probably has ADHD, which would explain a lot of the behavior I resented him for. I now regret all the harsh things I said to him throughout my life and wished I could go back.
I (26f) always thought about adhd like in movies. So basically children that cannot stay in place, that are extremely difficult and have a really hard time in school. I have never been any of those things so I never thought much of that disorder.
A few months ago, one of my close friends told me she was finally diagnosed with adhd and that she could finally understand why it was so hard for her to work in school among other things. I related to some of it, mostly anxiety, depression and the procrastination resulting from the fear of failure. But I did not think too much of it because we are very different and I always find a way to get my work done even if it's not easy. Still thinking that adhd meant that you absolutely cannot focus and think clearly.
Given the global pandemic and that my country loves lockdowns, I've had a lot of time to reflect on myself and I started to investigate on some things that bothered me in me and where these things came from. Well ... I tick 90% of all the boxes of adhd symptoms in adults. (Waiting for the pandemic to die down to get diagnosed)
But, I just realized that there are great chances that my dad (74m) also has adhd but it shows in different symptoms than I. Growing up, there were things in his behaviour that I hated and I said some very harsh and means words to him about it. The main thing I hated was that he could never remember dates and appointments, even if we told him the morning of the day of, he would forget to say happy birthday to my mom or me or that he had an appointment in the beginning of the afternoon. He would also forget to pick me up from classes or places a few times a month and arrive 30 min to 1 hour late. But he could tell you all in details about the book he read last month or the animal documentary that he saw last week. I could never understand that because it seemed so weird to me and I developed a time obsession while at university so I could never understand why he could not keep track of time. I always took that as that he did not care about me or my mom, which made me resent him a lot over time. He also can have crazy mood swings. My mom and I always put it on the pain because he has constant pain in his back and knees due to his career. I just realized that it might mostly be because he is very sensitive but never learned how to control his emotions. Ever since I was a teen, I distanced myself from him as much as I could because I could not stand his mood swings, I thought he did not care about me because he could not remember a thing and I also took his forgetfulness as stupidity which is I realize now is absolutely not true. During my studies I would always cut short to the conversation when he would ask me about what I'm doing because I thought that he could not understand or would just forget anyways. And I did the same for a lot of other things.
I feel extremely bad because I have always said what's on my mind and throughout the years, I said to him some really mean things (This went both ways though. During his mood swings, he would also insults me and say very harsh things). And I just realize now that it could mostly not be his fault if he was acting like that. I also think about how he must have felt all these years. Some days he can't stop saying he's f*cking dumb because he cannot remember things and we let him say those things to himself, sometimes even gaslighting him about it because he never took any of our advice.
I moved out of my parents' in March and now that we don't live together anymore, things are way better between us. But I just feel so guilty and so bad and I just wished I could start my life over to not be so harsh on him and get him the help that he actually needs sooner. I think he only takes meds for depression right now. I plan on talking to my mom about this soon and see if we can do something about it.
Thank you for reading, it is almost 3:30am where I am and I really needed to get that off my chest.
submitted by ChocolatBleuPale to relationships [link] [comments]

2020.11.27 01:49 gonthrowthisaway13 What the hell is up with me? I can’t look at people no more.

I’m a 22 year old girl and I experience anxiety and depression intensely. Suicidal thoughts are constant, just to give you an idea, but I’m not here for this. It’s something specific...
I have a past with trauma related to molestation. I’m gonna try and keep it short but I think this is important.
6 years old on the way home from school, man calls for my help with directions from his car and I naively approach. As I get closer he gets out, exposes himself and reaches after my arm which he missed and I managed to run away.
After this incident this man was psychologically abusing me for years leading up to my mid teens. This means that he was still in my town and occasionally he would pop up somewhere and make his presence noted.
For example just a while after the incident knocking on his car window to grab my attention then he smiled and waved.
At another time few years later he’s on the sideroad fapping in broad daylight while I cycle by. He gets in the car and tries following me but I hide in the sunflowers.
Then at another time he’s asking for directions again a few years later. Same car, everything.
Meanwhile all this was happening I was molested by a family friend at 16 where he forcibly kissed me on the lips. The man is over 60.
I can’t look at people no more. Men particularly. I don’t mean eye contact. Even the face as a whole. After I stepped into adolescence I tried my wings in dating but I got brutally crushed emotionally 2/2 times and it fucked with me. I lost trust and empathy in people especially after my past because not even normal people can exist without hurting me. Whenever there’s a man looking at me I feel like the hunted wild. When I pass them in hallways at work I don’t look at them whatsoever in hopes of not grabbing any attention (it’s not that I’m oh so beautiful). I have further social problems because when we wait for the company bus to pick us up before shift I can’t even greet them while waiting there. I cannot bring myself to it. I have such high levels of anxiety I need to regulate my breathing and do something I can externalize my anxiety with which is leg shaking or clacking of nails. I do NOT know what do do about this. I never met anyone with a similar problem. At work I seem like a douche because I don’t talk, greet or look at anyone unless absolutely necessary, but I can’t help it. I’m not a bad person but I can’t do it. I know what it looks like but I’m deeply messed up. It brings me great emotional distress to come to work too. I’m tearing on the way here on the bus almost every time. What do I do? It almost feels like as if I’m ashamed of being alive and being seen.
If you have experience with this or insight please share!
submitted by gonthrowthisaway13 to mentalillness [link] [comments]

2020.11.27 00:56 LonelyPirate23 Am i going to die alone?

I'm only 19 so this isn't a dire situation, i guess it can even be categorized as teen angst, but there is good reason for it.
So my whole life I've felt like a freak for the way i see the world, i analyse things alot and particularly my emotions and the way i react to certain situations. I'm a very introspective person, when i was younger i noticed i always tried to have relationships but that none would pan out, so i decided that I'd work on myself, so my whole life has been self observation and comprehension, this means that it has been very difficult for me to relate to people my age, who in a general manner prefer to just enjoy life (i wish I'd done that).
About a few months ago, i met a girl and i didnt think much of her. After a couple of dates we find out we basically think the same way, we have the same process of understanding and analysing situations, we're both very introspective.
So our dates start becoming us discussing our relationship and it is done in the most candid and honnest fashion because we trust eachother not to misinterpret what the other is saying.
Here's the catch, physically we don't connect, so we decided to be friends, and that quickly turned into us being best friends. I trust her like i trust nobody else, and i tell her exactly what I'm thinking when i do.
What I'm worried is that, what if i never meet anyone else like her, what if i don't meet someone who can understand me like her. Are there more people like us? Or am i doomed to never have a truly fulfilling romantic relationship?
submitted by LonelyPirate23 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 15:51 Yosh1220 Slavemaster: Porn: Part 2

I am not a Christian but this verse describes what i am about to show you perfectly.
Thimoty 6: 9 Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction.
In my last post I have talked about the scientific harms of porn in relation to addiction and depression, but porn is so much more and does so much more. I like to call it the gates of hell, once you get hooked into it and dont get out you will end up in a very bad place. In my last post i talked about how it numbs your brain and you have to watch more and harder stuff to feel any pleasure. This is a path that i want to explore further with you in this post.
Now to everyone whos watched porn on here, think about how your taste in porn was at the beggining and how it changed over time, did it get extremer? weirder? more hardcore? Maybe not for you but checking out other subs you can see numerous people saying that the more they watched the more twisted their taste got. Someone commented on the last post Slavemaster porn 1 that i am mistaking cause and action, that the people struggling with it are sick to begin with and thats why they started watching it in the first place. Now that doesnt make any sense because as i told you backed up with scientific evidence that Porn fits into the addiction framework and by watching it all you will sooner or later need to progress in the intensity of the material to get any rush out of it. So the argument that porn is good because it prevents those people from actually living out those fantasies, no its the opposite, most people only start to get twisted by their excessive consumption of porn. Now here is an example of something somewhat extreme, this of course doesnt apply to it but its a case of what can happen, this link shows the search results of user 927 Aol, leaked search historys, Here you can see how it starts out already a bit unnormal but in line and how with time his taste gets weirded and more twisted and finally illegal and deviant.
Now some of you would say you cant make such claims only by checking out nofap subs or one extreme example, show us proof. Of course you have every right to say that and i will happily show you proof. Teens who watch porn are reported to commit more sexual violent acts also knowns as TDV, Teen dating violence.
Violent pornography exposure was associated with all types of TDV, though patterns differed by gender. Boys exposed to violent pornography were 2-3 times more likely to report sexual TDV perpetration and victimization and physical TDV victimization, while girls exposed to violent pornography were over 1.5 times more likely to be perpetrate threatening TDV compared to their non-exposed counterparts.
It also makes you more accepting towards rape myths and sexual deviancy in general, less sensitive and twists your brain into accepting sick things, like rape fantasies and violent sexual accts, as shown in the following studies.
A positive d indicates exposure to pornography had negative outcomes, while a negative d indicates positive consequences in relation to sexual deviancy, sexual perpetration, intimate relationships, and rape myth outcomes. As can be noted, no negative d's emerged in the current meta-analysis, thereby indicating the consistent negative effect of exposure to pornography in each of these four areas.
Here it shows how even rape gets subcouncisly accepted.
The present study was conducted to learn more about the association between fraternity membership and attitudes and behaviors associated with sexual aggression against women. A male experimenter took digital pictures of all of the images of women displayed in the rooms of 30 fraternity men and 30 non-fraternity men on a residential, small, liberal arts college campus. The men also filled out a rape myth acceptance scale. A total of 91 images were found in the form of posters, “pin-ups,” advertisements, or computer screen savers. It was found that fraternity men had significantly more images of women displayed in their rooms and that the images were rated significantly more degrading than those in the rooms of non-fraternity men. Fraternity men were found to have significantly higher scores on a rape supportive attitude scale (RSA). RSA scores were positively related to the amount of degradation in the images found in men's rooms. The possible purposes and consequences of the display of degrading sexual images are discussed.
Now we can go a step further and see that the most common thing amongst serial killers is porn. Now almost every one of those murderes says that porn had a massive effect into lowering their guilt and hesitation in commiting the horrible acts they did. They dont have a reason to lie about this and even if, these people dont really knew each other but everyone of them said the same thing about pornography.
There is also a video of Ted Bundy talking about how porn affected him.
Okay so then there is one big counter argument: Sexual crimes actually decreased. But here is the catch, the less it got the thighter security and tracking technology got. Saying that porn prevents crimes from happening is ignorant considering the evidence i provided, the only reason why these crimes decreased is because its harder to commit them without getting catched.
The term teen has been on top lists in pornography searchings and if you think about the actual meaning of this its sickeing. People get aroused by the thought of a barely legal person being sexually displayed and who knows where it goes from on there.
But this begs the question again: Why all of this? Why would anyone want this to happen? If i had the answers I would tell you but i am trying to figure out the truth aswell.
submitted by Yosh1220 to conspiracytheories [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 11:43 MDPROBIFE Crazy Manipulative Girl...

So, this is very weird and honestly, I just want to understand what makes someone be like this (the girl)...
So, I know this girl since I was basically a baby... I don't remember much, but when she was little (8yrs?), she moved to another country and I forgot about her. At 14/15 years old, she was incredibly famous for her age, she was getting 2M+ views in her videos (talking about teens shit).. People talked about her videos and I knew about them, but didn't know she was my old friend, I didn't remember her... She returned to my country (16/17) And I met her at a bar... Everything normal, I went to her house with some mutual friends we watched a movie, nothing much... but she liked me, she sent me a message but I was not that interested (people talked shit about her), she realises I don't care to answer her messages and gets extremely interested in me, like "why don't you answer me, come to my house..." Well, I after some time, started to actually be with her more and started to like her, she talked about me to her parents, and they told us we used to play together when we were kids... she noticed I started to get very interested in her, and like, completely lost interest in me... It was like, she didn't even care about me at all... Well, we ended kinda bad... after 1 month.. Fast forward 2 years, she starts messaging me, saying she was very imature, that she was stupid for treating me badly, I thought nothing of it, I said, yeah I understand that no problems, she invites me to a coffee.. We go, and make out, she tells me she doesn't want just a one night thing, so we keep in touch, but she went on vacations.. we talked for some time, I get a little interested, and again, she completely ignores me forever, I said, Ok fuck this girl... And never thought much about it, Until a year ago, when she started dating this dude I was kinda friends (Anthony) with... It was weird, they were friends forever, but she never cared for him, but whatever shit happens... Her relation is incredibly toxic, a close friend of mine( David) still talks with Anthony and tells me weird stuff that happens.. like, this girl tells him shes sick and can't go out tonight, but goes out with her friends (toxic shit) Anthony is completely obsessed by her, like, Suicidal everytime they end the relationship ( wich happens about once a month)
David, my close friend doesn't like her, because of the way she treated me, so he treats her rudely.
Girl, Anthony, David, and some other friends, sometimes go out together. This girl is always asking David why does he treat her like that, why can't he be her friend... Me and David never thought nothing of it.. we didn't care because we no she's crazy... David has a girlfriend and quite recently went public with it... The Girl, suddenly starts texting David that she needs to Talk to him because of something important, that needs to be face to face... David tells her he doesn't really care and that she can call him if she wants.. she doesn't anything else... Somedays went by, and she tells david to go to this spot.. David, thinks that she and Anthony want to hang out and maybe tell him something so he goes.. When he gets there.. this girl, starts telling him that Anthony (the obsessed guy) cheated on her... And that she is madly in love with David (my close friend who dislikes her because of me, and also Anthony's friend) She tries to kiss him multiple times, he asks her what is wrong with her, he has a girlfriend and is friends with her boyfriend.. She tells him to dump is Gf and that even when she was with Anthony she thought about David, and that Anthony knew and was jealous of David... David tells her she is a crazy bitch and leaves... This girl some days later sents him (david) messages trying to incriminate them and asking if he is afraid she will show their messages to David's GF.. David tells her to fuck off, she is completely disaranged.. She says ok, I tried... A couple of days later she sents David a message "hi, how have you been" David doesn't answer, but reads the message (Whatsapp) She goes nuts, and starts sending him more messages " Oh okay, I thought you wanted something, but ok, I wont try anymore..."
David doesn't answer, but reads the message (Whatsapp)
She sends yet another message, " Okay I dnt' know why can't you answer me but fine, I guess I will just block you then.." Blocks David... A week went by, and guess what... Anthony and this Girl are back together...
This maybe a very confusing text, sry for that really.. My real question is, why is she like this.. she is very very manipulative, and gets desperate when she doesn't get what she wants.. What is she? A narcissist? she suffered a lot of bullying, is she like this because of it? Why is someone so obsessed about someone who treats them badly? Bad role models?
submitted by MDPROBIFE to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 07:21 voidsaltz My autism and depersonalization journey

Hello all. 23 year old man here. Using a throw away for this. So... Where to begin. Most of my life I've always been a social outcast. Had issues making friends, couldn't maintain a friendship or relationship, and socializing in general. However, I definitely had my talents. Excelled in school, had strong hobbies, and played sports like football. Currently I like lifting weights, shooting, hiking, art, and reading.
 In elementary and middle school (age 5-13) it was Hell. I was constantly fighting and getting picked on. In between this I struggled with social dynamics and interaction. In group settings it was even worse. I didn't know how to fluidly work with people. Class projects etc. Going onto high school (age 14-18) it improved for me. I was good at football and academics so I became "popular" to an extent. Despite this I still has problems relating to others. Didn't know how to talk about my hobbies and interests with teens interested in typical shit that age. Social media, partying, and music. Being a Metalhead not many understood this. During these times I would experience "breakdowns" or "shutdowns". Me and my family thought this was due to teenage hood so we didn't give it much thought. Also, never really displayed erratic behavior that would call for professional help. In college (age 18-21) it was a similar situation but now I was a bit wiser. Learned to handle my meltdowns and shut down phases but still had problems. Dating was a constant ordeal. Whenever I did manage to talk to women I would be flushed with stimulation I would be awkward. That or I would become exhausted and my drive was inconsistent. During this time I decided to see professional help. Two therapists suggested I was on the high functioning spectrum of autism. They educated me and it started to make sense. Upon this discovery I stopped seeing them due to issues with insurance. Also, I was really busy with school so time in my end was tied up. Finding work for myself was actually not too hard. I always put my best forward in an academic or work environment. I never talked to my co-workers as to avoid awkward moments or them discovering my condition. I would go out or at least tried too. During this time in my life I got into a few fights, knife fights, and nearly killed in a shooting. This definitely didn't help my social angst haha. Needless to say I'm still alive right? This was when I started to feel more and more detached from reality. Everything was becoming a dream and distorted. With my life being in danger and gradually disillusioned feelings toward society due to rejection. I would layer discover this as depersonalization. After getting my degree in biology (age 21-23) I evolved quite a bit. A lot more mature and refined. I chose my friends better as well. However, my mentality was another situation. I felt really unsatisfied with my life and progress. I was thinking of going to university for my bachelor's but didn't like the idea of being I'm debt. Also, didn't like the social dynamics of the local school. I'm pretty conservative and they're far left. Second was the military. I come from a long line of military men so I thought it was about my turn... Biggest mistake of my life. I enlisted in the Army as a combat medic and shipped off to Basic Combat Training. There I excelled in shooting, physical exercise, and classwork. Naturally. On downtime it was another story. I didn't know how to bond or socially interact with my platoon. They were into girls, their own hobbies, and things outside of the Army. With so much going on I felt overwhelmed and stimulated constantly. I had no options so it built up. My psyche degrade sharply and started to shut down. My performance in training dropped and suicidal intentions built up. On top of this my detachment from reality grew wider. My cadre and commander eventually decided to admit me to a psych ward. I was rock bottom and never felt so hopeless. There I would be further evaluated. I was tagged with autism, anxiety, and depersonalization. The Army kicked me out. I felt both disappointed and relieved. Relieved I got actual help for the first time in my life but disappointed I failed. Since then I've learned to be more at ease about my quirks. Embrace what I am and not compromise myself for others approval. Right now I'm working at a bakery and as a COVID screener. I applied for the firefighter brigade in my city and waiting to hear back. For the first time in my life I feel their is a path for me. A surreal and clear path as I view in my unique mindset. 
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read this. Look forward to hearing from you all if any.
submitted by voidsaltz to mentalhealth [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 06:49 Tindog_25 I need help

This is kind of long so strap yourselves in folks this is gonna get hectic. Before I begin a bit of back story: Back at the end of August my girlfriend of almost 5 months broke up with me. Her reasons were very valid and I meant no harm to her, but I had caused emotional damage when I had no idea what I was doing. This relation ship I was in was the longest most serious one I've been in. I've also never been one to be extremely sad or even really depressed. I like to at least think of myself this way, but other people might have some think different. Now the story: I like to think hink we were a happy a couple right from the beginning. Our first date was in February at a small coffee shop. We talked and talked which eventually lead to us walking around down town. (I live in a small town in MN so we were able stop i to most places as COVID hadn't shut everything down yet.) The date went extremely well, and I was ecstatic that she was in to me. We went on a few more dates and we both hung out at each others places doing whatever. Over time however things became more intimate (no I didn't go al the way with her I would have been beheaded publicly by my parents) and hence this intimacy caused problems. Things she wanted to talk about I pushed to the side, or when we did talk about problems she had with things that had happened between us I just froze. We would always talk on the phone late into the night to the point my mother would come I to my room and have to tell me to get off the phone. We went on plenty of adventures and made great memories, until August. At this point I was one week into my Junior year in high school (She was beginning her senior year, and we were both in person x amount of days a week) We had tried to do a break a few weeks prior which I was the one to crack, and call her. I then tried to pitch another break to her. This time I drove to her house, and explained why to her. My reasoning was that I was starting a new job soon and I wanted to start doing better in school. It wasn't going to be something extreme just two weeks or so. She seemed fine in that moment, but I was mistaken. A few days later I was heading with some friends to a near by city which had some go karts and mini golf. We had hit the road convoy style with two cars. I had one guys with me and everyone else piled in the other car. I had gotten a notification on my watch saying she messaged me on Instagram. I glaced at it while driving and it read: "You're a real dick you know." From then a tidal wave of messages caused my watch to not stop vibrating. By the time I completed the drive there were 100 some odd messages unread. She had unleashed all of her anger at that one moment which had ruined my day with my friends. I could sense this was the end of the relationship. For the rest of the day it was in the back of my mind. I hollow, and life less. By the time I had gotten back to town the messages had long since stopped. I took a drive as a normally do when things are tough, but I felt I to my pockets and realized my temporary drivers license was missing. When I had mustered the balls to call her she was in tears. She wanted to see me, but I was selfish and pushed her away. I knew it was over and I didn't try to save the relationship. BUT WAIT THERES MORE. About a month ago I was contacted via text by a female friend of a girl I was interested in. She began to tell me she's been hearing things circulating about me that aren't too pleasant. After digging a little further it turns out some started a rumor that I masturbated to my crying girlfriend, and then sent her unsolicited dick picks. I immediately called close friend of mine who I trust dearly. (We'll call him Jim) After talking with Jim we had come to the conclusion that it was probably one of my now ex girlfriends friends that had misinterpreted something, but little did I know it was actually MY BEST FRIEND OF 5 YEARS. Apparently my ex told him everything and when I tried to talk to him about things he straight up ignored me. After pressuring him further I learn that he started the rumor AND WHOLE HEARTLY BELIEVES IT. He doesn't listen to my side at all, tells me that I've treated him like shit for the past 4 years, and tells me how I need to improve myself. Flash forward to now. I'm 3 months single. I know high-school relationships would really amount to anything in the real world but I try to make them work, for me atleast. I am extremely sad, I've lost a few friends and feel quite lonely on occasion. I have close friends I can talk to, but no one professional like a therapist. I haven't even told my parents the entire story of what has/ is happening, the only trusted adult that knows pretty much the entire thing is my Comp Sci teacher at my school. I feel very depressed at times and I can't seem to more on from her. I've used all my chances with her, but so desperately want her back. I miss everything about her and would give anything to give her back. Any help internet teens? I really f*cked up bad, but I want to try and fix things and get back together. However she has blocked me on all social media, won't read texts, and declines my calls. Apologies for the spelling, grammar, and length. I wanted to try and get my story out there, but I'm not good at writing especially on a phone @ 11:30 at night
submitted by Tindog_25 to teenagers [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 06:24 throwRAf430 My relationship with my best friend is messing with my head

Yes hi, I am on mobile I apologize for any formatting issues.
Yeah what the title said. My friend is a girl, I am a guy. We have been very close for a little over a year and a half now. And when I mean close, I mean really quite close. We know pretty much everything about each other, we share our problems, we buy each other thoughtful gifts, and we cuddle and hug and I lift her up in that koala hug thing I don't know what its actually called. But yeah. Close. I would describe it as just like a real bf/gf relationship just without any sexual aspects. And really, I am 100% fine with that. I am more than happy with where we are in relation with each other and I would be perfectly content with it staying that way. The thing is, I am not really sure if she is. Before we got as close as we are now, I asked if she would be interested in dating. She was not, and things moved on. However, since then we have become as close as I have described and I am not sure if her mind has shifted. Again, I am happy with where we are but I also do not want to miss an opportunity if there is one. I am a pretty insecure and shy person who has had sparse luck when it comes to the dating scene. (I am in my late teens, so granted, I have not been on that scene for very long) What is stopping me from just straight up asking her again is I do not want to jeopardize our current relationship. I do not know what her reaction would be and I do not want to risk her feeling uncomfortable or stand-offish around me afterwards. I am not really sure what to do here. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
submitted by throwRAf430 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 03:48 Pristine-Engine4388 I AM A NEW RANGER HERE AT WOLF LAKE NATIONAL PARK, SOMETHING SINISTER IS GOING ON. Episode 1, Part 1/2

My name is James Parker. I am a new recruit here at The U.S. National Park Service. Since working here, I have learned the woods are a dangerous place.
Bears, Wolves, Mountain lions are the normal threats any visitors would consider. But there are other entities that roam the dark forest. They are responsible for a lot of grizzly and unsolved disappearances throughout the national parks in the U.S.
I have recently encountered one of the entities myself but I've also heard horrific stories of encounters with other malevolent forces that hunt in national parks, by the rangers from those other locations.

Please if you plan to enter the woods, then you really need to hear this. It could honestly save your life as we, the rangers, have noticed the steps to follow to make sure you don't end up like the 100s of people who fall prey every year when visiting the woods.
Let's begin from the very start.
I believe and always believed that The woods are a beautiful thing. As soon as you cross the tree line, you are one with nature, walking through a sea of interwinding green flowing through a labyrinth of towering great oaks.
It’s a vast kingdom of wild animals and scenic awes that honestly takes your breath away every time you enter its realm.
Lets get something straight, though. It has an extremely dark side. A side that no one fully understands.
Not even us, the U.S. National Park Rangers.
We actually have a special department that handles these ‘dark’ sides to our work place. They are called Hazard Control.
We never see them when a ‘regular’ hazard occurs such as bear attacks or a camper falls down a cliff side.
But you bet your bottom dollar, that when a child goes missing with no trace, or an entire family is found dead under suspicious circumstances, then they certainly send a representative down to the park. Mainly to act as a middle man between us and the police, usually.
We all here at the Wolf Lake Rangers Station know HQ are covering something up. We don't know what exactly. But whatever it is, they are determined to defend the secret. No matter what.
You see, I got this job because my predecessor was apparently a little too curious for his own good. Now, his supervisor had repeatedly warned him to keep his head down and mouth shut apparently but he didn't.
And now, he has been missing for the last 6 months. Hazard Controls official statement to us was that he left for Virginia but we all know that this is a lie. No one as heard from him since. We know something has happened to him and We are, to this day, trying to find out what happened.
Before moving to Wolf Lake, I knew the woods could be a fucked-up place. You know it’s such a potentially dangerous place and ya know, you see those scary stories on Youtube about missing people and bizarre crime scenes but to be honest I always just assumed that it was just the combination of tragedy and paranoia.
Bad things happen. People get hurt. You know how it is, It’s just a part of life, unfortunately.
A lot of people who go missing, go missing within minutes of last being seen. When days pass and they don’t turn up alive and well and the answers aren’t obvious or clear, then we do the human thing and our imagination starts to fill in the blanks for us. Before you know it, we picture some big foot creature dragging them into a cave after they wandered off the trail.
when in actual fact they just fell down some narrow gorge in the hillside, broke a bone or 2, got stranded, died from starvation and they decompose in the forest's undergrowth.
Never to be found until years later then the horrible mystery and urban legend that was being told doesn't seem so horrific now. It was just a standard tragedy, as grim as that sounds.
But let me tell you, I have seen some things over the past 5 months that, honestly, makes me genuinely exhale with relief when we find a body with, hmm shall we say, more straight forward circumstances?
being almost ‘happy’ or released to find a body with teeth marks that obviously belong to a bear or some other common woodland predator. I know that sounds bad but it’s just like finding a skeleton with a broken leg at the bottom of a ditch. All normal hazards that people like me can expect to encounter, if spending a long time in these woods.
But these other ‘scenarios’ I’m talking about , and Entities that I have being forced to encounter here, during my short time as a Forest Ranger at this national park, really do keep me awake at night.
As I mentioned, it's human nature to catastrophize things in our imagination. It’s what we do. Well It’s certainly what I do anyway.
Partner goes out and her phone wont ring for hours? Obviously, it’s not an innocent ‘my battery died’, it’s ‘she's met another guy and she is with him right now’. Its just kind of what I do. It’s hindered me in the past. I don’t have many friends or romantic connections.
And, that is what I tried to convince myself of, for the first month or so of my employment. That I was just being over dramatic and analytical.
However, after working here for nearly half a year now , I know now there are things in the woods. Things that are dark and sinister. Things that roam the trees with malign intentions. Things that not even my imagination could do justice.
I have no idea what these ‘things’ are. Not exactly anyway. I have only ever encounter one and It was for a very brief second. I don't really know what I saw but whatever it was, looked absolutely despicable, wrong, the type of vibe you get when you look at a Huntsman spider. Something that just signals to all the transmitters in your brain, telling you to get as far away from this thing as you can.
I’m here to talk about it though. Thanks to my training from Phil, that's my supervisor, I knew what to do to keep alive.
Unfortunately thought, not a lot of other people do. So while I know every day hundreds of people come through these woods and have wonderful experiences making memories with friends and family to last a lifetime, I knoe every once in while there will be someone who catches the attention of these baleful entities when they are roaming the forest to hunt. If they don’t know what to do, they don’t stand a chance.
Why don’t we just tell park visitors??
We cant tell any of the campers. Hazard Control forbid any discussion of such events. And I am not about to end up like little Billy, talk too much and find myself missing.
But at the same time, the guilt does bother me so I am not going to stand by and watch people be lambs to the slaughter anymore.
Please read this story. It will give you a good idea of what us Rangers deal with out here trying to keep people safe. It will also be a key to help you survive should you ever come out here.
I am going to tell about my first few months here and what I have witnessed. I will also speak about the training retreat in Alaska that I have recently attended with Phil. There we met other Rangers and we swapped stories about the horrific entities in each of our parks. We were honestly shocked to learn it wasn’t just Wolf Lake who had a Hazard Control presence.
Believe me when I say I don't know who's tale was worse so I will let each of you decide for yourselves.
Here is my story
I started my career here at the national park station and was assigned to Wolf Lake National Park on a 3 month performance review basis.
I saw the job advert online and I noticed that the pay was a little over the top for what I expected for this sort of position. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. I had very little experience with personal outdoorsmanship but I included on my C.V. that I was a hard worker and a fast learner, hoping that would be enough.
I included in my covering letter than I didn’t have a lot of friends or family, so I was introverted so being out in the woods alone would be suit me well. I also told them I would be willing to relocate to Wolf Lake.
I won’t bore you with too much of my move out here but long story short, I was given the job. Almost immediately in retrospect. Before my start date I attended one face to face interview with a woman from HR, at an office situation 12 miles from Wolf Lake, who said that they were looking for a replacement Ranger after one of their veterans just upped at left. Without a word.
I didn’t think much of it back then as It's probably fair to assume that people do leave jobs when they get to a certain age. It’s just part of life.
However I did notice that at one point in the conversation, she seemed to slip up and said something to the effect of ‘Great! everything is all sorted then ! I will let Mark know right away we've hired you, He is the head Ranger know. He will be very pleased to know that we finally have a replacement for them.’
‘Them?’ I asked. She looked at me, a little surprised, very skittish. Like when you surprise a cat in the night.
‘Pardon? she mustered.

I gently chuckled, slightly scoffing and confronted her. 'You said 'Them', 'a replacement for them', has someone else left?' There was no way I was letting that slide.

'Oh...Sorry I thought I said HIM, I'm sure I did, didn’t I? Gosh, It's been a long day. you know how it is?’ You could genuinely see her cursing at herself in her own head.

‘No Sorry it's probably just me, I- I must of mis-heard you. That's all’ I lied, whilst smiling at her warmly.

I knew exactly what she had said. Who else who worked in these woods had left their post? And why didn’t she mention them? Why did she seem so skittish?

I know now why she was so spooked but at the time, I just moved past it and forgot all about it as she slid over the paperwork and explained the pay structure to me. The basic pay was exactly what I thought it would be. Standard 35k per year. What made the annual salary so big overall was a bonus what was marked as ‘Hazard Pay’. Upwards of £7,000 a month on top of my pay.

Stupid young me didn’t question it though. I just signed my life away and before I knew it, I was being given the keys to a cabin located just around 1 mile into Wolf Lake National Park. I was told to meet a man called Phil tomorrow at noon at his look out tower. Phil was apparently a long standing veteran of the National Park service. He would be my mentor for the next few months.

As soon as I left my office, I made my way to the park, to find my cabin that I had been assigned to.

I arrived at the park around 8pm. My taxi driver was kind enough to drive me around half a mile into the park, to roundabout the parks Visitors centre, just before you get to the first trail that leads into the treeline.

I hiked the rest of the way, following the directions the ranger in the visitors centre gave me. Didn't take me long to get there and at around 9pm, I was unlocking the front door of my woodland accommodation, walking inside and flipping on the main light switch. I took a minute to scan the room. Very cozy.

The kitchen and living room combined into one area large area. There was a door across the room that lead into my bedroom with an En Suite included. I was one happy camper, no pun intended.

I put my bags on my bed while I checked my cupboards to find they had been loaded up with plenty of tinned food and pasta. Steaks and other frozen meat were also in the freezer. Not bad.

I was exhausted from all the travelling I had done to get from my old house to Wolf Lake, then the 3 mile hike to my cabin from the visitor centre finished me off. I also had an early start so I didn't waste any time trying to wind down for the night.

Unfortunetly this first night, my anxiety took over and I laid awake with a pit of nerves in my stomach as I thought about my first day. I couldn’t sleep. As I mentioned, I am pretty introverted, a loner so to speak, and I have had a history in the past of not making great first impressions with Co Workers so over time I have developed an issue when it comes to meeting new people. It makes me desperate for a good impression and that sometimes makes me a little awkward, thinking too much into how I speak and act. This looked a dream job with great pay and a home included. I really didn't wanna screw it up.

I found myself pacing around my cabin, rehearsing potential conversations I may have with me and this 'Phil', that I will be working with for the next 3 months. After wearing out the floorboards, I decided I need to occupy my mind so I picked up a random newspaper from the huge pile of old tabloids and magazines left behind from the previous residents. I always loved to test my mind and validate my knowledge by doing online quiz's or crosswords, sudokus, stuff like that. So I decided a word search or crossword would really help take my mind off things, ease my nerves and help me get some sleep.

The newspaper I selected was around 10th down in the large stack of 50 plus tabloids. It was dated February 4th 2004. The front cover was about the New England Patriots 32-29 victory over the Carolina Panthers at SuperBowl 38. As I flicked over the pages to get to the quiz pages, Something else caught my eye. A headline. 'BOY STILL MISSING. AUTHORITIES BAFFLED'

It's human nature that the horrifying headlines we come across are the ones that get you to read on. We will all admit I think, that we have a curiosity when it comes to the dark side of life, so I read on. Within the first 2 sentences, I had felt my heart rate begin to increase as I read where the boy had gone missing. It was in a national park. THIS national park.

If the story didn't have my full attention before, it certainly did now. I read on some more. The young boy had disappeared from Wolf Lake in very suspicious circumstances and had been missing for 6 weeks. I noted the date of the incident and quickly scanned the remaining newspapers for a date that matched the time sorrounding the disappearence. I managed to find one. 'CHILD VANISHES FROM NATIONAL PARK. SEARCH TEAM DEPLOYED'

I gulped and braced myself, pulling out a small silver whiskey flask from my duffel bag, that my father had bought me for my 18th birthday 10 years ago. He always used to keep his flask close by specific occasions such as to calm his nerves after a minor car accident or to 'cope with my mum when she went bat-shit' as he used to put it. He was the last living member of my immediate family after my brother committed suicide at 17 and my mother died of lukemia at 58. He passed after a heart attack 3 weeks before I applied for this position. a lot of people will say I am running from my grief. Hell! maybe I am? But I had nothing to stay for back in Atlanta and I just think coming out to the huge beautiful forests in the vast back country, submerged in a 400 mile radius of nature would no doubt make my problems seem much smaller than they were.

I smiled to myself as the flask and the image of my father giving it to me triggered more fond memories I had of my family that we shared before their deaths. It was only a few seconds before, the grin washed from my face, as the memory of what I was looking at in the newpaper flowed back into my concious mind. I looked down at the story again. I read it out in my head.

The details of the story were that on December 17th 2003, The Waldren family took a trip to Denver, Colorado to spend christmas with relatives. On the 20th, They took a trip to 34 miles to Wolf Lake National Park. They had planned a 3 day trip. 1 day Hike in, 1 day camp, 1 day return hike out. Reportedly, the first day had gone fine but the day at the camp site had been strange according to some of the witness statements. Well, I should say more the night had been strange as apparently Danny, the kid who went missing, had complained multiple times to his group that he'd seen a man in the woods. A man who he described as 'the whispering man'.

The mother, Jennifer Waldren, had told authorities that her son had come into their tent in the middle of the night crying explaining that a man was standing at the tree line, signalling him to come into the trees, and when he shouted for him to 'go away' the man had signalled for him to be quiet by placing his finger on his lips. Danny also claimed to his mother than the man was whispering he had candy, trying to lure Danny into the woods.

The parents believed their son was having a nightmare, which in fairness to them, he was prone to. Never the less, his father (Derek) and his uncles (Barry and Steve) roamed the perimeter of the site to make double sure that a sexual predator wasn't stalking their kids but mainly it was a way of calming down, Danny. Danny seemed to relax when the search of the area yielded no sign or evidence anyone was there.

However on the third day, the group started to trek back to the location of the cars. Around 3 pm, they were hiking past a river along a more scenic yet less used trail. They were around 23 mile away from their destination and had been walking for over 3 hours, covering 12 miles. Danny had lagged behind as the group rounded a corner. When they noticed he hadn't followed them around the bend and he was no longer in eyesight, they went back to get him and discovered that he had completely vanished.

They assumed he had fallen in the river that ran along side the trail and immediately called in the Rangers.
The part of the trail that the family were hiking on at the time was around 4 metres wide, and sat roughly mid way up the large banking, before the banking steeply increased upwards around 10 feet to a clearing. Sat on the hill top, was a grassy area of around 300 metres, acting as a doorstep to the tree line of a large section of forest.
The family assumed the banking up to the forest area was far too high for their child to climb so the most plausible explanation was that he slipped down the banking, and into water.
The Rangers closed off the river at a nearby bottleneck point, so if Danny did fall in the water, he wouldn't be dragged too far down stream but unfortunetly, a search of the water found no sighting of the missing boy.
The search team, when taking statements from the family, found it very strange that according to anyone in the group, he didn't call for help. He didn't shout for his parents or make any sound in general, such as a splash in the water. So the Police and Rangers called in the sniffer dogs. They also called in cadaver dogs, much to the dismay of the family.

The dogs were given items belonging to Danny such as spare clothing and something very strange occured, they followed his scent UP the hill side and into the woods. Not DOWN the banking, and in to the river.
Analysis of the scene showed there were no hand or foot marks imprinted in the dirt banking to evidence if Danny had pulled himself up the hillside. It was as if he had just floated up the hill, or was lifted up in a crane.

Another strange finding was the fact that the sniffer dogs tracked Dannys scent to a location 34 miles into the forest, from the location he was last seen.
This made absolutely no sense given the family stated Danny was a slow walker, hence him lagging behind. But even with that in mind, a 6 year old boy would never have been able to travel over 30 mile, in just over 90 minutes, on foot. Not possible.

They tracked Dannys scent to a clearing in the woods. At this point, the sniffer dogs reportably laid down and started whining. These were two highly trained and seasoned sniffer dogs and the handlers from the canine dog unit found this extremely bizarre and out of the ordinary.

My imagination couldn't help build my interpretation of 'the whispering man' who Danny claimed he'd seen. A horrific abomination of evil trying to lure innocent youths, from the warm safety of their family's camp and into the dark forest for god only knows what reason. I shuddered as my thoughts pictured the whispering man snatching Danny by the collar of his shirt as he walked on the trail and violently dragged up over the hill and into the woods before he had chance to scream for help.

I closed the newspaper. I finished the flask. I needed it. I wanted these images out of my head. I cursed myself. My mother had always been a hard ass when it came to me playing violent video games or watching scary movies. I just assumed she was trying to ruin my childhood but I learnt a few years into my teens I just had an over active imagination. I'm not a 'scaredy cat', I just have the sort of imagination that can run away with itself and sometimes It can be hard to get images out of my head. Danny and 'The Whispering Man' would not leave the front of my mind.

I tried to break my train of thought and I started to lay out my clothes for tomorrow and tried to watch some tv in bed. The Cabin had wifi so I plugged in my firestick and watched Netflix's Making A Murderer, as I needed something else to occupy my mind. As I laid there, my mind eased and I felt myself drift off to the sound of the T.V. in the background.

Danny Waldren walked along the dirt path, nursing his aching legs with both hands as he watched his family turn the corner before him.

He heard a whisper. 'Danny boy...'. He looked around.

'Come and play with me, Danny boy...'

Dannys skin began to crawl and the hairs on his neck and arms stood erect.

'There is candy... all sorts of wonderful treats...' the whispers continued.

Danny put the pain in his shins and thighs to the back of his mind and hurried to turn the bend of the trail and catch up to the safety of his parents company.

'Danny...Where you going?' The voice hissed.

Danny turned the corner with haste, sighing with relief but to his horror, his parents were gone. He found he was no longer on the trail that ran along side the beautiful flowing river and his parents were not stood in a huddle with a smile waiting for him to re join their group.

He instead was 100 yards from the dense forrest. He looked forward towards the tree line. He could just make out a shape in the trees, staring at him. It was Humanoid, Tall, Thin, Male.

The figure took a small step forward towards the edge of the woods. Danny could see it's face now. It was smiling. The smile so painfully wide, the eyes wild, huge and pupils so very dilated.

Danny screamed for his mum, he screamed so loud.

The figure raised its arm. The arm like a tentacle. With the hand having obscenely long fingers.

The fingers with sharp, over grown nails.
The hand came up to it's face and the figure placed the side of it's right index finger on its lips. It's sinister smile has gone now and with one sharp 'SHH', Danny's screams and cry's are muted. He can't make a sound.

He darts his vision around in his panic and sees his family, on the path below. They are looking for him.

He turns and screams for them to help. He tries to scream 'I'm up here!' but it's too late now because Danny looks down at his stomach and sees the long sharp fingers of the figure, silently slither around his torso.

He turns to see the darkness of the forest, penetrated only by the long outstretched arm of the figure, standing in the trees. The whites of the figures wild eyes are unbelievably visible in the darkness. They are wide open. painfully expanded in a wild outcry of excitement. Danny is terrified. He feels the urine escape him and spill down his thigh.

Danny screamed so loud for his mummy, that he could feel the blood cells in his head, quake to bursting point. However, no sound omitted from him, no matter how hard he tried.

The hand snapped close and clamped down on his body, hard. It's arm snatched back before Danny could even get one last look at his mum and dad.

Before he knew what was happening, he was being dragged into the woods. He was moving across the hard dirt and in to the trees at a pace he couldn't believe. He seemed to be pulled along the unforgiving ground for such a long time. He managed to sit up as he was moving. He looked up and he could see the figure, in the distance, stood in a clearing. He was getting very close.

Dan's eyes widened. With every yard between him and the figure dwindling, he was all the while getting a better picture of the presence dragging him towards the clearing.

He was appalled right down to his soul by what he saw. The figure was dark, almost completely black. The only other colour on its form was white. The colour of its wild eyes and painfully stretched smile that bored its huge clenched teeth.

The form didn't move a muscle. It almost looked like a pastel drawing, stood still in the middle of the woods. So unnatural and completely out of place in this world. It's pupils were completely fixed upon its prey, that was rapidly approaching.

Danny screamed, sound came flying out along with the birds and wildlife in the nearby trees.

As he was 10 feet from the figure, Danny closed his eyes in terror.

9 feet , 8 feet , 7 feet... The figure began to giggle with excitement...

6 feet , 5 feet , 4 feet.. It's free hand opened sharply, yielding its razor sharp fingers...

3 feet , 2 feet...Danny whimpered for his mummy...

1 Feet.. The dark form snapped to life and let out a horrible cackle as Danny came hurling in to its grasp...

0 feet.. Danny screamed for his life.
submitted by Pristine-Engine4388 to mrcreeps [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 01:58 SWGalaxysEdge ** Thu 11/26 - Christmas TV listings - ALL CHANNELS ** PART 2

...continued from Part 1
Mom - Horny-Goggles and a Catered InterventionTomorrow, 1:00 PM / CMTV 45Bonnie and Christy attempt to show Regina some support when she insists she has gotten over her addiction to alcohol and her life starts to improve; Wendy encourages the ladies to go to a Christmas dance that does not serve alcohol to partygoers.
The Incredible Dr. Pol - Santa PawsTomorrow, 1:00 PM / NGEOWILD 148During the Christmas season, Dr. Pol has to handle castrations under less-than-ideal conditions, while Dr. Brenda tries to heal a reindeer in time for mating season; Dr. and Mrs. Pol serve as Grand Marshalls and Charles plays Santa for the holidays.
Mom - An Epi-Pen and a Security CatTomorrow, 1:30 PM / CMTV 45Christy and Bonnie search for the person who broke into their home and stole gifts before Christmas, but their investigation takes them to an unlikely location.
Ask This Old House - Happy Holidays from AskTOHTomorrow, 1:30 PM / WEDQ 605/ PBS / HDTVRoger discusses an alternative Christmas tree species; Richard explains what can and can't go down a garbage disposal after a big holiday dinner; Heath helps a homeowner stay safe while putting up a variety of Christmas lights
General HospitalTomorrow, 2:00 PM / WWSBDT 7/ ABC / HDTVThe people of Port Charles learn the true meaning of the winter holiday season through an adventure akin to Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol."
Alaska: The Last Frontier - Holly Jolly HomesteadingTomorrow, 2:00 PM / ANIMAL 35The members of the Kilcher family film themselves crafting inventive homemade gifts for their first-ever "Couples Secret Santa" during the Christmas holiday in the remote area of the state of Alaska where they thrive off the land.
The HolidayTomorrow, 2:00 PM / LIF-E 38A Los Angeles movie trailer editor decides to swap homes and lives with a depressed journalist in England over Christmas after she breaks up with her boyfriend, and over the next couple of weeks each lady strikes up a romance with available men.
One Royal HolidayTomorrow, 2:00 PM / HALMRK 68A woman offers a stranded mother and son shelter during a blizzard, but after she learns that they are a royal family, she decides to show the prince how Christmas is celebrated in her hometown and encourages him to open his heart.
Return to Christmas CreekTomorrow, 2:00 PM / HALLMV 84When a career-focused Chicago app developer returns to her small hometown of Christmas Creek to rediscover the meaning of Christmas, she reunites with her estranged uncle and begins to develop a budding romance with her childhood friend.
K9 ChristmasTomorrow, 2:29 PM / ENCORFM 378An injured dog who used to work for the police is adopted by a girl whose group of friends organize a special charity concert to benefit children in need, but when two criminals plan to steal the money, the group bands together to save Christmas.
Daddy's Home 2Tomorrow, 3:00 PM / FXX 82After having eventually accepted the existence of each other, Brad and Dusty find that they now must combine their energies to provide their kids with a great Christmas, as they also cope with their intrusive fathers visiting during the holidays.
Christmas at the ChateauTomorrow, 3:20 PM / SHOWOM 244A group of sisters attempt to save a historic mansion and beloved family home in their town from a corrupt bank that plans to foreclose on Christmas, but things get complicated when a sister falls in love with one of the bankers.
The Partridge Family - Don't Bring Your Guns to Town, SantaTomorrow, 3:30 PM / WTSP-DT2 610/ ATVThe family's bus breaks down on Christmas eve in a desert ghost town on the way home from giving a performance in Las Vegas, where an old prospector relates a tale of how a stolen bell nearly ruined the Christmas holiday.
Baking ChristmasTomorrow, 4:00 PM / OWN 24The owner of a popular bakery decides to retire at the end of the year, and when her children each offer ideas about the future of the family business, a Christmas bake-off is organized to help determine who will take over the business.
Christmas ConnectionTomorrow, 4:00 PM / HALMRK 68A flight attendant looks after an unaccompanied minor, and after she is safely delivered to her father, the attendant finds a package that she left behind, and when she delivers it to her, her father invites her to spend the holidays with them.
Rocky Mountain ChristmasTomorrow, 4:00 PM / HALLMV 84A young woman returns to her family's struggling dude ranch after a recent breakup to unwind for the holidays, but when a Hollywood actor arrives at the ranch to prepare for an upcoming role in his next film, she starts to fall in love with him.
ER - A Miracle Happens HereTomorrow, 4:00 PM / TVGC 178As the Christmas season arrives, the staff expresses their grouchy mood when Carol asks them to sing for the hospital; Mark treats a Holocaust survivor who was the victim of a car theft; Weaver receives a visit from a friend.
The HolidayTomorrow, 5:00 PM / LIF-E 38A Los Angeles movie trailer editor decides to swap homes and lives with a depressed journalist in England over Christmas after she breaks up with her boyfriend, and over the next couple of weeks each lady strikes up a romance with available men.
The Homecoming: A Christmas StoryTomorrow, 5:00 PM / INSP 86The Waltons prepare for Christmas as John-Boy tells his siblings about his memories of the holidays, but when his father John still has not come home, his mother sends him out to go look for his father in hopes he can make it to celebrate Christmas.
The Incredible Dr. Pol - Oh, Pol-y NightTomorrow, 5:00 PM / NGEOWILD 148Dr. Pol and his team of veterinarians help patients for the holiday season, including a chocolate Labrador with puppies that are due on Christmas day.
My Best Friend's ChristmasTomorrow, 5:00 PM / SHOWWOMHD 1444/ HDTVWhen a woman returns home for the holidays hoping to reconnect with her high school sweetheart, she meets his new girlfriend, so to escape the embarrassment, she and her best friend fake their own holiday romance, but her fake feelings turn real.
K9 ChristmasTomorrow, 5:29 PM / WAM-W 389An injured dog who used to work for the police is adopted by a girl whose group of friends organize a special charity concert to benefit children in need, but when two criminals plan to steal the money, the group bands together to save Christmas.
Mom - Higgledy-Piggledy and a Cat ShowTomorrow, 5:30 PM / CMTV 45Bonnie suffers through painful memories of Christmas past while Christy recalls specific moments from her childhood to the person whom Bonnie is sponsoring.
Carole's ChristmasTomorrow, 6:00 PM / OWN 24An overworked businesswoman makes a wish that she had chosen a different life for herself, and when her wish is suddenly granted, she realizes that she no longer has time for the things that mattered most to her in her old life.
Home AloneTomorrow, 6:00 PM / FAM-E 52An eight-year-old is inadvertently left at home by his family when they leave for a vacation in France, but he blissfully adjusts to life without parental control until a pair of bumbling burglars attempt to break in, forcing him to defend the house.
A Christmas Tree Grows in ColoradoTomorrow, 6:00 PM / HALMRK 68A woman finds herself forced to convince a firefighter to let her acquire a certain spruce tree, which is located on his property, that she needs as a part of her plans to organize her town's upcoming Christmas celebration.
Small Town ChristmasTomorrow, 6:00 PM / HALLMV 84When a young female novelist travels to the hometown of the man who inspired her to write her bestselling book, but who also hurt her feelings by standing her up, she reconnects with an old boyfriend and helps restore the town's Christmas traditions.
The Family StoneTomorrow, 6:20 PM / HBOC-E 205A successful businessman brings his straight-laced and uptight fiancée home to meet his free-thinking, high-spirited and rebellious family for Christmas, but he runs into problems after he tries to give her the heirloom wedding ring.
Christmas at the ChateauTomorrow, 6:20 PM / SHOWMW 252A group of sisters attempt to save a historic mansion and beloved family home in their town from a corrupt bank that plans to foreclose on Christmas, but things get complicated when a sister falls in love with one of the bankers
Last Man Standing - Last Christmas StandingTomorrow, 7:00 PM / CMTV 45The father of Kristin's baby unexpectedly comes back to town after a long absence leaving Mike and Kristin's boyfriend, Kyle, unsure of how to handle it; Mandy tries to unionize the elves to get better perks at Outdoor Man after Ed hires her.
Holiday Baking Championship - Twelve Days of ChristmasTomorrow, 7:00 PM / FOODTV 56In the preheat, the final three bakers grab two last-minute holiday gifts and combine them into one dessert, then in the main heat, the bakers must create a 12 Days of Christmas dessert that illustrates a line from the famous song.
National Lampoon's Christmas VacationTomorrow, 7:00 PM / AMCALL 64Members of an eccentric family attempt to create the perfect holiday by inviting all their relatives over for a long visit, but the plan turns into a complete disaster after a series of mishaps occur that involve a cat and Christmas lights.
Ask This Old House - Happy Holidays from AskTOHTomorrow, 7:30 PM / WEDQ 605/ PBS / HDTVRoger discusses an alternative Christmas tree species; Richard explains what can and can't go down a garbage disposal after a big holiday dinner; Heath helps a homeowner stay safe while putting up a variety of Christmas lights
The HolidayTomorrow, 8:00 PM / LIF-E 38A Los Angeles movie trailer editor decides to swap homes and lives with a depressed journalist in England over Christmas after she breaks up with her boyfriend, and over the next couple of weeks each lady strikes up a romance with available men.
Christmas by StarlightTomorrow, 8:00 PM / HALMRK 68A woman is saddened to learn that her familys beloved eatery is slated for demolition, and she is determined to stop it from happening before Christmas.
Time for Me to Come Home for ChristmasTomorrow, 8:00 PM / HALLMV 84When a country music star's flight home to Tulsa is canceled, he meets a fellow traveler, who is also trying to get to Tulsa, and they become unlikely traveling companions as they try to make their way home to their families in time for the holiday.
My Best Friend's ChristmasTomorrow, 8:00 PM / SHOWMW 252When a woman returns home for the holidays hoping to reconnect with her high school sweetheart, she meets his new girlfriend, so to escape the embarrassment, she and her best friend fake their own holiday romance, but her fake feelings turn real.
It Happened on Fifth AvenueTomorrow, 8:00 PM / WTVT-DT2 613/ MOVIES!When a family leaves their luxurious New York City mansion unattended for a vacation during the Christmas holiday season, a small group of homeless people decide to utilize the opportunity to make the residence their home for a few days.
Toy Story That Time ForgotTomorrow, 8:30 PM / WWSBDT 7/ ABC / HDTVWhile at a post-Christmas play date, the "Toy Story" gang find themselves in unfamiliar territory when some of the coolest action figures ever appear to be dangerously delusional, and Trixie is the gang's only hope of returning to Bonnie's room.
Home Alone 2: Lost in New YorkTomorrow, 8:30 PM / FAM-E 52A mischievous pre-teen boy ends up in New York City all alone on Christmas at a swanky hotel after he mistakenly follows the wrong family on to the wrong plane at the airport and ends up having to fight off villains he faced a couple years before.
Family Guy - Don't Be a Dickens at ChristmasTomorrow, 8:30 PM / FXX 82In a reimagining Charles Dickens' classic story "A Christmas Tale," a selfish Peter is visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future when he loses his Christmas spirit, which takes him on a special trip around Quahog.
This ChristmasTomorrow, 9:00 PM / OWN 24Coming together for the first time after spending several years apart from one another, an estranged family reconnects to celebrate Christmas, where they do their best to overcome the squabbles that managed to keep them from seeing each other.
National Lampoon's Christmas VacationTomorrow, 9:15 PM / AMCALL 64Members of an eccentric family attempt to create the perfect holiday by inviting all their relatives over for a long visit, but the plan turns into a complete disaster after a series of mishaps occur that involve a cat and Christmas lights
The Family StoneTomorrow, 9:20 PM / HBOC-W 212A successful businessman brings his straight-laced and uptight fiancée home to meet his free-thinking, high-spirited and rebellious family for Christmas, but he runs into problems after he tries to give her the heirloom wedding ring.
Last Man Standing - Gift of the Wise ManTomorrow, 9:30 PM / CMTV 45Mike informs his family that he doesn't want Christmas gifts this year and asks that they do a "good deed" instead in order to remind them about the true meaning of Christmas; Chuck is nominated to play Santa at the Outdoor Man.
Time for You to Come Home for ChristmasTomorrow, 10:00 PM / HALLMVHD 1385/ HDTVAfter her husband has passed away, a young woman returns to her hometown, where she meets a veteran who is on his own holiday journey, and as Christmas comes near, they learn of a bond that may be the Christmas miracle that they need.
The Christmas HouseTomorrow, 10:03 PM / HALMRK 68A TV stars parents ask him to bring back a revered family tradition, so he decides to revisit the family magic of Christmases past.
2 Broke Girls - And the Very Christmas ThanksgivingTomorrow, 11:00 PM / WTOG-DT 4/ CW / HDTVCaroline and Max apply to work as elves at a department store's Santaland for their first broke holiday season in hopes of earning a little extra money, and while Max is cynical about the holiday season, Caroline is enthusiastic.
Dear SantaTomorrow, 11:05 PM / LIF-E 38A 24-year-old woman aimlessly drifts through life when she finds a letter to Santa that is written by a little girl and asks him to bring her daddy a new wife for Christmas, and the young woman decides that she will answer the request.
A Very Harold & Kumar 3D ChristmasTomorrow, 11:35 PM / HBOC-E 205After accidentally burning down Harold's father-in-law's prize Christmas tree, Harold and Kumar embark on a quest to find the perfect replacement in New York City, but along the way, they run into all types of trouble blocking their path.
submitted by SWGalaxysEdge to christmas [link] [comments]

2020.11.26 01:55 DCaplinger [BAILIFF] Sometimes, the wrong way to say something... is just the right way.

One day after I arrived at work, I was glad to see the jail had already brought an updated list of guests in the County B&B. I had to check the list each day to see if there were any scheduled to appear in our court, or who hadn't been seen yet and need to be arraigned. That day, we had a very busy docket, so I was glad to see we only had one new arrival for me to bring over at some point. I had a feeling due to the number of cases we had, there was no way we were going to get to him during the morning session, and I was right. As the judge called lunch, the people sitting in the gallery and the attorneys on our side of the bar all dispersed to look for someplace to eat, save for one elderly gentleman. Noticing him standing at the rail, I asked him if there was something he needed help with, and he told me he was the grandfather of the kid I needed to bring over from the jail. I knew from looking at the arrest details, he was in for a domestic, but I hadn't read the file, so I assumed the victim was his mom or a girlfriend. I was wrong, it was his grandfather, who he'd been living alone with since his dad abandoned them when he was an infant, and his mother was killed in an accident when he was around 5. His grandmother died before he was even conceived, let alone born, and there were no other relatives alive, so he had to live with his grandfather.
The grandfather asked what time court started up again, I told him when and he asked me to take a letter and put it in the case file. It had been written by the kid just a few months prior. He lived in a very rural area, and quite literally fell through the cracks. No one from family services, the schools, the government at large, ever thought to check-in on things. The kid was 17, and never spent a day in school. The grandfather did his best to help him read and write, but he himself had only been to school through the 6th grade, because his "daddy thought that was all the schoolin' I'd need livin' on a farm." I smiled and took the paper and laid it on my desk.
Unless I was going to be eating something which would have left the courtroom smelling of food, I got into the habit of eating at my desk, as I could listen to symphonic music in the silence of the empty courtroom. I knew I couldn't put that letter in the file for the judge. It would have been seen as "ex parte" communication. For those of you who've never been served a temporary restraining ordeorder of protection, "ex parte" simply means one party. It would have been improper for me to stick communication from a defendant in the file, since the prosecutor's office hadn't received it as well to decide if they wanted to raise any objection to it.
Out of curiosity, I opened the folded paper up and read it. I was immediately struck by two things. 1) The person who wrote it had bad penmanship; and 2) the person who wrote it did so phonetically. It was difficult to understand at first, but once I got familiar with the characters of each word, I was able to breeze through it. By the time I was done, I hadn't touched a single piece of my lunch. I hadn't even opened the tub it was in (just a salad). I was in tears. It was a letter the kid had written to his grandfather, thanking him for putting up with him, especially in his teen years when he knew he was becoming harder and harder to control. He said he was sorry for the window he broke out on the back porch when he was mad at the world, and knew they really didn't have the money to replace it, but had to anyway. He said, and I quote: "sumtims i think it wood be beter of if i was nevar born." At the time he wrote it, he was still only 16 years-old. If the incident had happened when he was still 16, he would have been seen as a juvenile, and the state could immediately start giving him resources he had been without since he was 5. My heart broke. I was glad the court broke for lunch at noon and wouldn't resume until 1:30, because it was only 12:20, and I knew I was going to need the rest of the period to compose myself.
When I kind of got it together, I turned on the photocopier I had managed to grab for our courtroom some time before, and made copies of the letter. I left one inside the PA's file on the case, kept one for the Public Defender who would be assigned to the case, and held the original in reserve. Around 1:15, the APA came back into the courtroom to start looking at the afternoon docket, and took a moment to try to read the letter I had placed in his file. When he was done, he asked where it came from. He knew it was placed in the file that day, and he knew it was an original photocopy, because the date stamp was red and blue, instead of black and white. He knew I put it there, because I was the one who stamped it received just a short time earlier. I told him who, and not long after, the grandfather came back in. They talked for a bit, and as much as I'd like to say the prosecutor dismissed the case and the kid went free, that wasn't what happened. Instead, he asked the judge if they could speak in chambers before the docket started. We were supposed to start at 1:30. It was closer to 2:00 before we actually resumed court, as the APA filled the grandfather in on the plan, and he agreed. He even waved at me as a thanks as he left the courtroom.
The charge had been filed, which meant a bail amount was set. Knowing the grandfather could never make that bail, the judge and prosecutor opted to hold the kid in jail for 2 days to let him get a taste of what it was like, knowing full well he wouldn't like it at all, especially given his lack of education and socialization. Because of his age and fragile nature, the jail had even kept from placing him in a housing pod, instead keeping him in one of the holding cells in booking, so they could keep an eye on him. 2 days later, we had a very light docket, and the grandfather showed up around 10:00. I notified the PA's office I was bringing the kid over so they could get their case file and get an APA in our courtroom. Thankfully the same APA who talked to the judge was available. It was time for me to bring the kid over.
Usually this meant me calling master control on the radio or by phone asking them to prepare the person for court, meaning they were to be shackled and handcuffed and brought up to the court holding cell on the 2nd floor of the courthouse. That day, I broke protocol. I put on the toughest face I could muster, got to the second floor, just outside the first secured door to the jail and put my firearm into the gun box only bailiffs had keys for. I called both doors on the radio, and was buzzed in one at a time, made my way down to booking and asked for the kid to be brought out, making sure he was in sandals. At that moment, I was struck by how he looked and my tough guy face fell flat. The 17 year-old looked like he was no older than 12, was like 5' 2" and probably 100 pounds, soaking wet. I handcuffed him in front and told him I was the court bailiff, and I was taking him up to talk to the judge. He actually thanked me. The buzzing sound the door locks made every time master control would hit the buttons to unlock them, made the kid jerk out of fear. When he saw me put my gun in my holster, he looked just as scared. In my mind, all I could think about was "sumtims i think it wood be beter of if i was nevar born." It just kept playing over and over in my mind, and thinking that came from the kid I was escorting, I'm just thankful it was the last thing on the morning docket.
As we got to the door of my courtroom, I told him his grandfather was in the courtroom, but they could not make physical contact with each other unless the judge said it was okay. Again, he said thank you. He looked down as we entered, as he didn't want to make eye contact with his grandfather, I think he was just trying to hold back the tears. Then I let my judge know we were ready. He came out from his chambers, and took the case file from me, which by this point did have a copy of the letter in it. The judge asked him how much he liked having to stay in jail, and he was talking so softly, you couldn't really hear him, but he said he didn't like it. The judge told him if found guilty of the charge, he could spend up to a year in the jail, probably spending most of it in protective custody, meaning one of those TV less holding cells in booking.
The kid finally broke, tearing up, and still looking down, so he didn't see my judge motioning for his grandfather to come to the podium. The judge told the kid to look at his grandfather, and asked him if he thought this is where he wanted his grandson to be. Again, he got another no. My judge nodded at the kid's grandfather, who then gave the kid a hug. The judge told the kid the prosecution was withdrawing the case, but if there was any kind of incident in the next year, they could file it again. He said thank you, and I instructed the grandfather where to go to pick him up once he's been processed out. I made a photocopy of the docket entry for the jail to release the kid, as the case was marked nolle pros w/o prejudice (nolle prosequi ad prosequendum is Latin for not willing to pursue or not interested in pursuing). After I took him back into the secured corridor, I did a pat down on him, since he made physical contact with his grandfather, then I took the handcuffs off. Again, he said thank you. When we got down stairs, I asked booking to process the kid out as fast as possible. I had kind of told them that was going to happen before I took him to court, so they already pulled his possession bin. Not long after, he was gone. Before I took him down, I handed the letter back to his grandfather. What I didn't tell him, was I made a copy for myself, which I kept under my desk calendar. I read it frequently before I was promoted, and then lost track of it.
We didn't see the kid again, so it all worked out in the end, but I can't help but wonder what kind of life he's had since. That would have been around 2006 or 2007, so he'd be at least 13 years older now. With little to no real education, how would he survive if his grandfather died? Hell, how did he survive from the age of 5, without anyone ever checking in on the kid? By the time he hit our court, it was too late for him in some ways. I did give him phone numbers for some counselors who specialize in treating abandoned or abused kids, but I don't know if he ever reached out.
submitted by DCaplinger to TalesFromTheCourtroom [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 20:20 _ItsMyFaultIguess_ 71yr old (M) is trying to force me (F)20yr old to be his daughter

So I didn't really know Where to put this and I've had a history of posting here.
I'm currently living with a lady and her kids in an apartment until I'm able to move out(none of us are related), I've been helping with housework and watching the kids when she is away. She has a bf that is downstairs and although he is 71yrs old with his looks you'd assume he is in his 50s or 60s.
Well for the past two weeks he has been taking my bf back and forth to work and eating dinner with everyone. A week ago he brought up how I'm his daughter and everyone living there are his children including me. I took what he said by a grain of salt and honestly thought he was joking. To me I don't personally know him and he takes my bf to work and back and talks to the lady I currently live with that's all I know. But recently he's been showing up at her apartment knowing she isn't here coming in and sitting down waiting for her until she comes back. I've tried avoiding him(going to the restroom and then trying to go straight back to my room) but he stops me and talks to me about how I'm his daughter and I shouldn't be wearing what I wear and getting mad when I won't go places him and the lady I live with and her daughter goes.
Now I'm actually getting creeped out by it. A man that is in his 70s comes and beats on my room door when I try to avoid him and tells me I have to go places with him and I have to wear what he sees appropriate and I don't know him, I know nothing about him before all this it was small talk when he was here; how'd your day go type of small talk.
He has been aggressively approaching me since I stood up for myself when he told me that my clothes need to be changed and I had BETTTER put on a coat when I was burning up in the heat. and he doesn't like that I went to eat in my room and said I'm only 20 I'm a teen to him and he can claim me as his daughter if he wants to(he's aware of what he is doing.) I told him that I'm legally an adult and he has No right whatsoever to demand and tell me what to do and he has no right to me/what I weawhere I eat and where I go and to back off before I call someone (he's masculine and very tall.) He backed off for maybe a day or two then today he tried talking to me again and said I'm his daughter whether I like it or not, I ignored him and walked back into my room (to try to show him he literally has no rights over me and is a stranger attacking me and trying to control me.) He jumped off of the couch and stormed toward me and started yelling saying how dare I disrespect him I'm his kid Whether I like it or not and I better show him some respect or else and then stormed out of her apartment.
I locked the door behind me and I am waiting for the lady to come back from working two days at a different apartment as a supervisor. I'm waiting for my bf to get off because hopefully he can help me. I'm also telling the lady that her bf is stepping over my boundaries and trying to force things upon me but I feel like I'm going to come between them and she is going to kick me and my bf out, I'm really scared to tell her and feel like I'm putting everyone else in jeopardy as he also takes my bf to work what should I do?.
𝙀𝘿𝙄𝙏: I obviously didn't go into enough detail I just thought summing it up would be enough, however my bf read my post and stated that I left out important information that happened and despite me being uncomfortable about telling anyone I feel I should put more information here so you all can have a better understanding and my bf work and we pay for the room we are staying in,we are currently waiting for someone to move out of the apartment and have a place available so we could move in there.
2.the lady I live with is the managelandlord/leasing lady
3.The reason I don't believe he has dementia (as my bf has reminded me of this) is because he has hit on me before and even though I told him my age he replied with "age isn't a problem sweetheart" And looked me up and down like I was eye candy(he wasn't dating the landlady then). He has also tried going into the bathroom knowing I'm in the shower stating he has to urinate.(I waited for three hours to shower then as soon as I get up he trys to follow behind me and my bf had to tell him to back off. That was last month now this month he's claiming I'm his daughtelike a daughter to him NOW that he is dating the managelandlord lady.
4.even though we are paying for a room I don't get a say in who comes to her house while she is gone. I will be talking to her about his actions but this isn't my place the only home I'm paying for is the room me and my bf are sleeping in .
I'm sorry for not making it detailish I just felt like it would be less of a pain to read if I summed it up.
submitted by _ItsMyFaultIguess_ to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 18:41 ttiwatchdog TEMPLATE FOR "REQUEST for Medical Records in Electronic Format"

Email Subject Line: Request for Medical Records in Electronic Format
To whom this may concern:
I am writing to request that you provide all medical and psychotherapy records that are in your custody, possession, or control to me in electronic format, e.g., email, compact disc.
Please email me at [YOUR EMAIL] my complete medical record/chart for me relative to my treatment at [TROUBLED TEEN CENTER] for all dates of treatment of service specified below and all materials or information, including, but not limited to,
All medical records, physicians’ records, psychotherapy records, psychiatrists' records, therapists’ records, milieu staffs' records, consultation records, operative reports, physical therapy, and other therapy records, and all documents, records, reports, photographs, billings, studies, summaries, interoffice memos, or correspondence relating to the treatment, examination, or hospitalization, including but not limited to all physical or psychiatric conditions (seclusion/restraint checklist, legal advisements, doctor’s orders, doctors notes, progress notes, 24-hour headcount, intake dx/symptoms, discharge summary, psychologist reports, multidisciplinary notes, nursing progress notes, record log of all staff present while inpatient, medication charts/records, denial of rights for good cause checklist, transport records; etc.); laboratory reports; patient information and history questionnaire; physicals and history; discharge summary; progress notes; prescriptions and medication records; nurses’ notes; correspondence; consent for treatment; and any other materials (whether written or stored, created or maintained in any other form) relating or pertaining to me, including documents and records received from or that were created by another provider.
Please use the below information for reference.
If you are unable to transfer the medical records by email, I ask that you put them on a compact disc and mail it to [YOUR ADDRESS]. If you cannot put them in digital format, you can mail the paper records to the same address.
The Law
Under the Health Information Technology for Economic and Clinical Health Act (“HITECH Act”), health care providers are required to provide every patient a copy of their electronic health records, in a format of their choice, at a reasonable cost. Significantly, the HITECH Act preempts state law.
The HITECH Act provides that the individual making the request for protected health information (“PHI”) can designate a third-party to receive the information, i.e., an attorney.
The individual is able to choose the method of production of PHI under the Act, and the regulations state it can be in paper or electronic form.
The personal health information requested by an individual must be provided in the form requested by the individual, including in a readable electronic form if the covered entity uses electronic health records. This can be a .PDF, compact disc, or as commented by the Department of Health and Human Services, via email if the individual is warned of the security risk associated with unencrypted email.
Reasonable Cost-Based Fees
Under the HITECH Act, any fee that the covered entity may impose for providing an individual with a copy of electronic personal information shall not be greater than the entity’s labor costs in responding to the request for the copy. The fees must be reasonable and cost-based. What is reasonable and cost-based should be determined on a case-by-case basis.
An entity’s labor costs for providing electronic records can only include: (1) labor for copying, whether in paper or electronic form, (2) supplies for creating the paper copy or electronic media; (3) postage if the individual has requested the information be mailed, and (4) if an individual has requested or agreed to an explanation or summary, the costs associated with preparing an explanation or summary of the PHI.
Deadline for Responding
Aside from some exceptions, a covered entity must act on the request no later than thirty (30) days from the receipt of the request by (1) providing the requested information, or (2) providing the individual with a written denial of the information.
If you are unable to comply with the thirty (30) day deadline for providing the requested medical records, we ask that you contact us in writing before the deadline expires. In your letter, you must provide a written statement of the reasons for the delay and the date by which you will provide the medical records. Under the HITECH Act, you are only provided one such extension of time.
Penalties for Non-Compliance with the Act
There are substantial monetary fines and penalties for failing to comply with the HITECH Act. The Office of Civil Rights of the Department of Health and Human Services can investigate complaints and levy fines for violation of the Act. If a healthcare provider is found to have “willfully neglected” a provision or provisions of the Act, the Office of Civil Rights of the Department of Health and Human Services will impose mandatory fines of up to $250,000 and up to $1.5 million for repeat or uncorrected violations.
If you do not use electronic medical records, please contact our office within ten (10) business days of your receipt of this letter in order to make alternative arrangements for the production of the medical records.
Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
Very truly yours,
submitted by ttiwatchdog to troubledteens [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 17:44 Nekoangelbby I'm ace but I don't know if I'm bi or lesbian?

Uhm this will probably be very long so just a warning! Ranting ahead.
To preface, I've identified as ace/demi (though mostly like 99% asexual) for a few years. That's a story in of itself, but I'm actually here to talk about romantic orientation. I've considered myself bi for over a decade of my life, but due to recent events I've spent a lot of this year wondering if I'm maybe a (homoromantic asexual) lesbian instead.
Earlier this year I asked around wlw communities for advice, but I felt continually misunderstood because, as I realized, being ace colours the way I experience attraction a lot, and most people on these subs were presumably allosexual. Eventually I did stop fussing over having the "correct" label so much, but I was thinking a little about it again recently and figured I'd reach out to see if any fellow ace wlw might understand me better.
My thing is basically that I don't feel sexual attraction really at all, being ace; I might be mildly demi only for my long-term partner but even then I can't be sure if its the way allos feel. I can take sex or leave it when it comes to relationships and I don't care what genitalia my partner has. I also can identify a little with aegosexual, and I do have a few fictional crushes (don't laugh) I can think of in a sexual way, but it isn't a big identifier for me. I mostly just say I'm ace for simplicity.
I also don't get crushes often or easily, I'm kinda demi in that regard too but I've always had a strong desire for romance (unlike sex) so I don't really identify with aromanticism. My heart is just very picky! In the past, I've had crushes on guys and girls alike, and as I said I'm inclined towards fictional crushes (🤦🏻‍♀️) more often than irl. I don't have much relationship experience despite my age (late-20s), and my current partner of 7 years is the only serious relationship I've been in (though I've had a couple little online gfs/bfs in my teens). I've considered myself bi since I was 14/15.
Last November my partner came out to me as trans (MtF), and started transitioning back in spring this year. It wasn't really unexpected, there were obvious signs for a while, and while its definitely a lot to take in at times I find that I'm mostly just excited to be with a woman. I've honestly struggled a few times before in our relationship because I wasn't sure I could be with a man forever (but I also loved my partner as a person too much). I've just felt so much more Right in my relationship since she came out to me. Being able to say "my girlfriend" is amazing.
Now I don't think I could ever go back to being with men, if my current relationship were to end. I'm almost certain I'd choose to only date women from now until the rest of forever. Logically this should make me asexual and homoromantic, right? But I'm still so confused, and having sexual attraction as a frame of reference missing just makes this more difficult for me to be sure of.
The problem is, I still feel like I have this non-zero attraction to very specific types of men that isn't romantic and definitely not sexual. I just feel purely aesthetic attraction when I see, for example, a really beefy bodybuilder with a cute face and nice hair. I don't want to date or sleep with them, but I do find them "hot" and nice to look at (as long as they aren't naked).
When I try explaining this to allos, the answer I usually get is that people of any orientation can recognize if someone's attractive and it shouldn't invalidate me if I feel that I'm a lesbian. This somehow doesn't comfort me any because the way I find these men attractive may not be sexual/romantic, but it's also decidedly non-objective?? I can still differentiate between me acknowledging that Robert Pattinson is good-looking and me finding Jason Momoa "hot" (just my first example lol). I still have "a type" if that makes sense - I was, afterall, bi for a very long time and I don't think that 100% goes away.
Additionally, I also still crush pretty hard on fictional men once in a blue moon. I'm into the whole "selfshipping" thing and there's no way I'll give up my anime husbands even if I don't wanna date irl guys ever again (apologies for my nerdiness). As a side note, I do think the irl men I look at as "eye candy" are often because they remind me of my fictional guy crushes in terms of body type and such.
My question to anyone who has made it this far is: Does this way of experiencing aesthetic attraction sound like an ace thing? Does anyone relate? Or is this just a "me" thing? And moreover, do you see my predicament? I am asexual and only romantically interested in other ladies, but I can't claim to have absolutely no attraction to men since I like fictional guys and even still view irl men as "eye candy" on occasion.
There's been a lot of online discourse this year over who can and can't call themselves a lesbian. I understand the need to protect the meaning of the word lesbian, but some of these arguments have created more self-doubt in me. When I see "lesbians cant be attracted to men ever" I think that means I shouldn't touch that word, but I also don't feel right calling myself bi any longer either. "Homoflexible" is about the best descriptor I can find, but I don't really love that either.
I would end this already lengthy post here but I want to mention, before anyone brings it up, that I am well aware of "comphet" so you don't need to educate me on that! I read about it, related to a lot of it, but ultimately didn't feel like it could explain everything I felt. Infact, it kinda just made me feel a bit icky like its something dirty/harmful I need to unlearn or means I have no agency. I'd just rather not talk about it too much if that's ok.
submitted by Nekoangelbby to asexuality [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 12:13 jcoolaa People with SINGLE parents, what myths/stereotypes can you debunk? (Long caption)

Okay now THIS is where i can shine 😎 BUT before I get into the actual listing of things, I wanted to voice some views of mine. I am a happy daughter of one beautiful single mom whom has raised me by herself for my entire 17 years of existing. I’ve never missed having a dad (of course it would be nice) but i do NOT miss my mom dating and having to figure out wether or not i should invest in giving the guy my energy while seeing if he’s gonna be a good role model for me
SO ANYWAYS, this is where the debunking some single parent stereotypes happens because back to this b#### that had a lot to s-say about me in the press WASS GOOD (oh and i took from sources i used on a google slide when i was in middleschool to help me out since there’s so many to choose from :P

stereotype 1: That we are 'broken' families

”Describing a single parent family as 'broken' is my number one bug bear. We are a changed family, yes, but ‘broken’? All of the single parents I know have our scars, bumps and scrapes but we ain’t broken and we don’t need fixing. We just need babysitters and for the world to stop judging us.”

My answer:

Every and any family is not perfect. Wether or not you have the ideal stability of two parents, NO family is perfect nor NOT broken. Most if not all families are broken because we’re all imperfect. If you claim your family is perfect then i know its the most dysfunctional one out here <3

stereotype 2: That we’re all unemployed

”When a single mum mentions financial struggles, inevitably somebody will bellow ‘get a job!”. The hard facts are that most single parents work. And even more WANT to work and cannot due to being unable to find or afford adequate childcare.”

My answer:

BINGOOOOOOOO, my mom has health issues which has debilitated her from working for some years now. BUT this is all new because growing up she was a Pharmacist for 13 years and carried that job for the decade and 1/3 years thats she did. In between she worked more jobs so she wouldn’t have her family living pay check to pay check. Either way she made it happen WHICH she’s doing as a single mom that most families with different guardian circumstances can do ;) don’t throw us to the curb just yet

stereotype 3: That our children ‘go without’

”There isn’t a parent alive that doesn’t want the best for their children, but ultimately all children end up ‘going without’ something and all parents feel guilt about their child ‘going without’. You feel guilty about working/not working, buying your child Nikes/not buying your child Nikes, because that’s life. Single parents feel the sole weight of this parenting guilt, while doing our damnedest to ensure that our children are happy and safe.”

My answer:

There’s a bulk of things us kids who have single parents don’t like to talk about. I say this because I’ve done my own research and asked my friends whom were also dealing with just a single parent lifestyle, as well as including myself in this conversation since i have a single mom first hand. And it’s that our parents deal with a LOT of bs from us kids
We all know the stress of being a parents right? Now imagine starting out young, as a teenager. Now imagine bending backwards trying to keep you and your kid from sinking into lifes depressed moments that seem to never end. Now just add doing that same cycle 4-8 more times over throughout your life as being on this earth. You don’t think as your kids get older that it wont be harder? It does, hence why if your a single parent then your load is EXTRA heavy because of how its only YOU catering and trying to make everyone happy
A family with two parents could have a lighter load, but at the same time your family could be in the same boat as mine and you got both of your parents. So us kids with single mothers see our parents go through the ringer because we go along with it, but we can be assholes too. Me, and my friends with single parents all nod our heads in shame because of how we KNOW the bs we put our parents through while also knowing how hard it is for them already to raise us in the circumstances we already in. All families have that issue, but it don’t help when theres one provider doing everything, and i hate that I’ve caused my mom hell when i was younger but I’ve been paying for it since that era left. I’m good with paying my dues, she deserves it anyways

stereotype 5: That our lives are miserable

”Sorry, no. Our lives might be a bit harder, yes, and we might spend more time than is reasonable 'juggling'. And, yes, we might sit down and have a cry sometimes. But ups and downs, highs and lows do not a life of misery make, they make a life.”

My answer:

I don’t even have to reply in my own words, the writer took that right out the depths of my soul

stereotype 6: Most single mothers are teenagers.

”This stereotype is understandable because teen mothers often get a lot of attention, however it’s not true. Teenagers are actually a minority in the single mums group. That being said; they try just as hard as any other single parent!

My answer:

Periodt. Ain’t no back talk from NO BODY.

stereotype 7: Single-parent families are dysfunctional.

”While many marriages end on bad terms, this doesn’t mean it automatically makes a single-parent family dysfunctional. These marriages usually end because the couple no longer clicked for whatever reason, and staying together wouldn’t do anyone in the family any good. This way, having two separated parents is better than having two coupled parents who constantly argue and disagree – or worse. Additionally, not all of these families are a result of conflict or divorce; some single parents are widowed, and some single parents decided to have kids of their own by sperm donors or surrogates.”

My answer:

Mine is 100% dysfunctional but it was toxic before I got here, and before my mom even got here so save it. It’s up to the next person un charge to either break or keep that cycle going. Either way, single or joined every family is toxic one way or another idc who you are

stereotype 8: Single parents won’t ever be successful.

”Rarely! While taking care of a child on your own can be daunting and take a bite out of your free time, it doesn’t mean you’ll be unsuccessful. Many, many single parents juggle work, kids, and chores, and still manage to build a very happy, fulfilling life for themselves and their children. It’s rocky at the start, and it probably will be at times, but think; even in coupled families, issues arise too. Having a partner isn’t necessarily a fix to all the problems. Did you know that Tom Cruise and Kate Hudson are single parents? You can do it!”

My answer:

ding dong this opinion is indeed correct because my mom CHOOSES to be single out of her own pleases. It doesn’t mean when we are in a good spot (wether it be any type of stability wise) that it means she has to hurry up and get a man to keep that stability going. Whatever God gives her then that’s fine, but if she’s choosing to be single and take care of her family (which she is good at) then let queen be. This stigma has relations to number 7 (while it is also true) but to say a single parent can’t do what a family with BOTH parents can is idiotic 🙄

TDRL: i just named a few stereotypes surrounding single parents and gave my 3 cents too a few

submitted by jcoolaa to AskTeenGirls [link] [comments]

2020.11.25 01:59 GizzyThrowaway Abusive ex wants custody

Ok, really long backstory for necessary context, but I'll try to condense it as much as I can (with some details changed to protect anonymity). tl;dr - Abusive ex wants custody of our kids, his family slanders me, I fire back, ex tells me I'm the one in the wrong.
Ex (39m) and I (36f) have four kids. We'll call him D. We met really young (teens), never married, great chemistry, but he started the relationship off on the wrong foot by cheating early in the game. I melted down about it, and D was kind of taken aback because he didn't think he'd done anything wrong since we weren't "official," although we were spending all our time together and going on dates and having regular sex. He apologized profusely and I decided to forgive and move forward. Well guess who did it again? And again and again, and like an idiot, I kept forgiving and trying to make things work, because other than his being a hoe, he was everything I was looking for. Super smart, athletic, driven, hard-working, all the things. Eventually, though, D became abusive. Choking me, dragging me by my hair, shoving me into walls, refusing to let me leave the room, raped me a few times. I was pregnant with our first by the time it got really bad, and was trapped due to family issues and severe depression that made it hard for me to work, so I didn't leave. If that sounds like a total clusterfuck, that's because it was. And yes, before you say it, we totally should not have been reproducing (I was on birth control when I got pregnant two of the times; the other two, we were just being stupid). I'm pro-choice, but personally couldn't choose abortion, so we ended up with four before I got my tubes tied. He cheated on me during every pregnancy and once gave me an STD which was fortunately curable with antibiotics. I never cheated on him, not even ONCE, but for my part, I was definitely a salty, sour, bitter, angry bitch who made things less than pleasant for him.
The depression eventually started to come under control and I could work again and had a small amount of financial freedom. So, before I knew about the fourth pregnancy, I called it quits. Couldn't take it anymore. I took our three little kids and moved out, but didn't file for child support because I believed we could work things out between us. I've always hated those women who keep kids from their father or try to make a living off of child support, and didn't want to be like that. D was an absolute shit boyfriend, but he loved the kids, so I wanted us to at least be able to cooperate as parents and be cordial. We agreed on a very, very low amount of monthly cash support from him (around $100 per child) because we were both poor. I gave him a spare key so he knew he could come see the kids at any time, nothing standing in his way, and encouraged him to visit them often and/or pick them up. I never badmouthed him to them or anything, no matter how much we still fought.
I found out about the fourth pregnancy a short time later and we were both super upset. D tried to force me to have an abortion, threatening to abandon our current three kids if I didn't go through with it. He came by every day to subject me to hours of angry, menacing pressure until I was a sobbing wreck, and after weeks of this I finally caved and scheduled an appointment. Then he became all sweet and affectionate and reassuring, promising me that everything would be fine and he'd hold my hand through the procedure. He stayed over the night before the abortion was scheduled, but I woke up really early and lay there crying silently, knowing that this went against my own conscience and wondering, if I didn't have the abortion, if I'd ever look at my child and wish I'd had that procedure. I knew I wouldn't, so when D woke up, I carefully told him I couldn't go through with it. He choked me and busted my lip, and then left in a fury.
Fast-forward to about 2016, and we were all doing much better. It had been a long time since D had been physically abusive and I was grateful he'd moved on from that. I had somehow juggled four small children AND full-time college, and now had a degree and a somewhat better-paying job. I never dated again and any money and time I had went into the the kids' education. I taught them to read and write before they even started Pre-K, wrote and then read them personalized bedtime stories, built a raised garden bed in the backyard of my rental home (with the landlord's permission) so I could teach them to grow vegetables and flowers, took trips to the park and the museum and zoo, etc. It was really paying off; they were showered in awards at the end of every school year for amazingly high test scores and great academic achievements, even won things like tablets and gift cards (it kind of became a joke at the school: "Oh, Gizzy's kids are winning X awards again this year? Big surprise, haha."), and were usually on the honor roll. Our girls were in ballet, our boy was in martial arts, and all four had weekly piano lessons. It was a financial strain to afford it all. I drove a clunker, had the cheapest flip phone Cricket sold, and we were all walking around in thrift-shop clothes, but I felt like investing in my kids was more important than anything else. D was still paying the same low amount we had set way back in 2008 even though he was making way more money, but I didn't complain because he would at least help with other stuff, like auto repairs if I needed it, and he went in half on some of the kids' activities. He was also around a lot (half of it was spent fighting with me behind closed doors, of course, but he still did spend a fair amount of time with the kids), although he would rarely ever actually pick the kids up and take them anywhere else. (It's been more than 15 years now and he's still never had them for an entire weekend. They're always with me. Ngl it's pretty exhausting to never have a break.)
Then D approached me with a proposition. He was finally in a position to buy a house, but he decided that, since the kids lived with me, I should be the one to have a permanent home to live in. He offered to buy a house if I would pay the mortgage (I would be protected from rent hikes, at least), and when it was time to sell, he'd give me a reasonable portion of the equity so I could put it towards a home of my own. After a lot of discussion and consideration, I agreed, and we went forward with it. The house he bought was a big 4-bedroom in a good neighborhood with good schools. I was really impressed by D's generosity. It seemed like my patience and tolerance for all the mistreatment he'd put me through was finally paying off. After a couple of years of the kids and me living there, he even slightly increased his monthly contribution (by about 50%). I work full-time as an operations admin for a public school and make decent money, but kids are expensive and every little bit helps, so the increase was welcome.
Now we get to the present-day shit. D recently revisited a subject we've discussed many times over the years. He wants some or all of the kids to live with him full-time. He believes he has a lot to contribute as a custodial parent and is ready to take on the responsibility. I've always indicated I would be open to the idea, even though it breaks my heart to think of my kids not living with me, because I know he'd provide a lot more in terms of discipline, structure, and oversight, and I think it would be good for the kids to be more solidly grounded in those things before they venture out into the world. Our oldest is just a couple of years away from graduating high school, and the others aren't far behind, so if they're going to benefit from a live-in dose of any of the positive attributes that he brings to the table, now's the time. However, he's recently started including the kids in our arguments and discussions and even asking their opinions about our points or perspectives midway through, which I think is unbelievably inappropriate (and have voiced this to him many times to no effect) and makes the kids really uncomfortable because it puts them in the middle of our fights. So when he wanted to discuss the custody question (and associated living arrangements - i.e. will I continue living in the house or will I move out so he can move in?) in more depth, he decided to email me about it and cc all the kids AND his mom and younger brother for some reason.
I've always maintained a good relationship (or so I thought) with his mom and brother. Birthday and Christmas presents, spent nearly every Thanksgiving with them even after D and I split up, went by to feed their pets when they were out of town, took both to doctor's appointments, helped them when our city was affected by a natural disaster, treated Brother like he was my own brother and Mom like she was my own mom, even drove 10 hours round-trip to help Brother pack up and bring him home from college when he graduated. But now I don't know what D has been telling his family, because in response to his email to everyone, Brother came back with a long email filled with some of the most jaw-dropping shit I've ever heard in my life. Talking about how I basically just sit around with my hand out trying to take everything D has ever worked for, and how D is the one with the record of taking initiatives with the kids and doing for everybody, how I want everything my own way, and how I'm living "well above my means, at a price well below it," and how it's time for D to move forward and go get all the great things that he deserves. Then D's mom hopped on with a short email about how I'm so ungrateful for everything D has ever done for me and implied that I'm keeping him from living in his own house. I'm not a theatrical person but I was literally gasping out loud while reading these emails. Like, did I just step into an alternate universe or something?? Do these people not know either of us at all??
So I unloaded in an email back to them. I was angry but relatively composed, though there was some profanity to emphasize my points. I listed off a small sample of all my many, many initiatives for the kids and invited them to tell me even one initiative that D was/is responsible for. I identified how little he's paid in child support in over a decade, compared to how much our state would have him paying (he makes six figures at this point, and according to the child support calculator, the court would have him forking over around four times more than he currently contributes) as easy proof of how I'm not trying to "take everything D has ever worked for." I also pointed out that, if I really wanted everything my own way and wanted to live well above my means at a price well below it, I would've just taken D to court long ago and had 50% more income in my OWN house. I also hinted at his history of abuse (although didn't say it explicitly, since the kids were also cc'd on the email and I've never told them about the stuff their dad has done to me; his mom knows about a lot of the abuse though, so I knew she'd know what I was talking about) and angrily/mockingly asked them if they'd like more details.
It's been radio silence from his family ever since, and now D is insisting that I'm "playing victim" and said I'm just being emotional and overreacting to some "minor inaccuracies" in what his brother said. My argument is that I'm reacting appropriately to someone who should know me by now completely trying to shred my character and turn reality on its head. I told him that even now I'd be willing to forgive and forget, but that Brother at least needs to apologize and retract what he said about me. He dismissed the whole idea and said that, since I'm being so emotional about this, he thinks we need to go the "legal route" for custody arrangements as opposed to an informal arrangement between the two of us, which is how we've always done everything. (Oh, also, he's now backpedaling on sharing a slice of the equity with me when he sells the house, because I'm "uncooperative.")
I don't have a healthy model for what a relationship with a man should look like because my own dad is legit crazy and also violent. Like, he lives in a cabin in the woods in the middle of nowhere and believes the FBI and Antifa are working together with China to topple the US government and also Democrats in California are engaging in ritualistic cannibalism. He used to torture and kill animals in front of me when I was a kid. By comparison, anything less seems reasonable. But is it? Is this shit from D normal? Is the response from his family normal? Are they being manipulative? Am I the one in the wrong? I'm trying so hard to be nice and fair and put up with everything, but I feel like I've put up with a lot and it's still not enough for any of them. Am I the bad guy here? What do I do? Any advice or feedback is welcome.
submitted by GizzyThrowaway to Advice [link] [comments]